alight

ever have one of those days where you just want to grab ahold of something that makes sense?  that through the muddle and fog of the "stuff" that comes with life, you want to find a listening ear, a piece of text, anything that can capture just an ounce of what you're feeling?  to feel that you're being understood, that you're being seen?  to know that you're not the only one who's going through it, even though at the time you do really feel completely alone?

 

well, i did.  today.  a blue day.

 

i was searching through my wallet for a receipt, a mindless task, when i came across one of the little messages i had kept from a fortune cookie (i have them all over the place, because they've become more like inspirational quotes, rather than fortunes):

 

"Never fear shadows.  They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."

 

it did make me pause for a second.  but at the time, i wasn't looking for inspiration.  i was looking for a distraction.

 

and then tonight, it hit me.  i've heard so many variations of that verse...

 

"It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars."  --Richard Evans
 

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.”  --Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

“I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars.”  --Stephenie Meyer

 

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” --George Iles

 

suddenly, i didn't feel so alone.

 

and then i realized, things will look muddled if i want them to be.  but sometimes it's crystal clear.  we just need to want to see it.

refueled

i stopped at wawa on my way home to fill up my tank, and when i was almost done refueling, i heard someone at the adjoining pump say, "excuse me, ma'am."  when i didn't respond, i heard it repeated and looked over to find a guy who appeared to be about my age and dressed similarly addressing me.

 

"do you mind me asking what year your car is?"

 

you'd think the question would catch me off guard, but that wasn't the reason it took me a beat to remember what year it was.  (it was because i had to stifle a laugh, since my husband was asked about his car at a gas station a couple of weeks ago, and his random conversation with a stranger also started out just like this).

 

i told him what year it was, and he asked me if i had any major problems with it and i said no, that i was quickly approaching 200,000 miles and besides regular maintainance have had no complaints (except for silly little things that were entirely fixable... knock on wood).  he responded that his wife and he were looking at the older models, because he didn't like the shape of the newer ones, to which i agreed.

 

then he commented on how i must drive alot, and i said that i've been commuting for several years and just recently moved into the area to hopefully lessen that.  we started talking about where i moved from, and then our jobs and line of work.  after several minutes, he said it was nice to meet me, and introduced himself and shook my hand.

 

as i got ready to get back into my car, he asked me if my husband and i enjoyed professional networking, as he and his wife participated in/knew of groups in healthcare.  we ended up swapping information and shook hands again.

 

after the exchange, i immediately called my husband and relayed the events, still finding it humorous that he'd had a similar encounter himself, also at a wawa.  my hubbie didn't seem all too pleased, which i can understand.  i'd given my info to a complete stranger.  but, probably after seeing the worried expression cross my face, hubbie remarked that he was sure i would have been able to tell if something was amiss.  i replayed the conversation in my head, and the more i thought about it, the more it began to scare me.  it had seemed like a harmless thing to do, he had seemed nice enough... and yes, i was a good judge of character!  had i really been too trusting in my fellow man?  perhaps.  or a bit naive?  maybe.

 

but you know what?  i'd rather believe that it's possible some people are just nice, and not every random stranger that strikes up a conversation in a public place is a creepster.  i'd like to think that connections can be built anywhere (even at gas stations), and that wawa generally is a friendly place.

 

it's either look at it that way... or... draw my curtains, stay away from windows, turn off the lights, turn on the alarm, and hide in my very private house tucked away in the woods, where no one can find me.