i've been blessed with a fairly breezy pregnancy. i didn't have any morning sickness, and despite being completely wiped out for the majority of the first trimester and my boobs blowing up even more than i could imagine, i have no major complaints. people tell me i'm lucky, and i know i am, but not experiencing those common symptoms makes me anxious, like i'm missing some kind of connection. having those symptoms, i feel, would almost be like reassurance of my body functioning the way it's supposed to... but lack of those symptoms makes me almost feel unpregnant, as crazy as that sounds.
although it doesn't do much to alleviate my fears, the facts are there: becoming pregnant as a result of IVF already places you in a high-risk category, and being pregnant with multiples increases that risk.
when we first found out we were pregnant at just 4 weeks, we were monitored by IVF on a weekly basis until we were discharged at 8 weeks. that meant we received ultrasounds every week. now that i'm being followed by maternal fetal medicine and my OB, the visits and ultrasounds are monthly. the time between visits feels like torture. and even after the visit, i'm happy and relieved for maybe a day or two before the cycle starts all over again.
i asked my twinnie if she experienced the same type of anxiety since she miscarried at 9 weeks. she said that she was cautious during her entire pregnancy because of what her and her husband had gone through. luckily she had a safe and uneventful pregnancy and now has a beautiful baby girl. hearing that, it calmed me some, because it always feels better knowing you're not alone.
maybe (well, probably) i'll never stop worrying. i am my mother's daughter after all. but perhaps that is part of motherhood -- wanting and hoping for the best for your children, for them to be safe and warm and happy.
