a premise on promise

“A Premise on Promise”

Thanksgiving 2018

Dear Sophia,

While driving around the other day, you asked me why all the leaves were falling off the trees with a hint of sadness in your voice, and I paused briefly to figure out a way to describe autumn to you.  It was one of those trademark fall days – the crispness that was nearly tangible in the air, the breeze sweeping through the branches like rolling waves and courting the leaves in a dance, the vibrance of the colors warm and bright from the sun.  It was enough to make me exhale for a moment and relish in the amazing beauty of my favorite season.

So I told you that the leaves fall in autumn, and then the snow would come in winter, and springtime would bring regrowth and leaves again.  I explained how the seasons recycle and repeat, but amidst the change and transition we can count on the leaves coming back… and eventually falling again, like a promise.

It made me reflect upon this past year of growth (mostly for you) and change (with the additions of your cousin Bjorn and baby Alora, who you call a cousin), and hibernation (though not for me as I’m wrapping up my Masters, but one day soon!).  I marveled at how a year ago we claimed that you couldn’t stop talking, and yet these days the sentences flow out of you in stories and songs, or as a noteworthy “sophism,” and yes, even by way of disagreements and challenges.  I think of how we quickly realized that you’ve become a reflection of us – a mixture of mischief and heart, thoughtfulness and adventure – yet you have retained your unique mind and spirit.  A few short months ago you’d say, “I can’t” to potty training and we turned it around affirming that you could, and you would, until you were cheering us on whenever we felt unsteady and unsure.  I vividly remember the day you tamped down your innate fear of dogs and managed to pet one, a little shaky but so proud afterwards.  We are in awe of the little lady you are becoming – strong (holding your own in a class full of boys) yet gentle (as an expert snuggler to family and “Danca”), perceptive (incredibly in tune to our feelings and not missing a thing) and diligent (your negotiating skills are virtually unmatched for a 3-year-old!), inclusive (always including and asking about Lily and Lucas) while free (like your interpretive dances).

Not long ago we talked about promises and you’ve come to grasp the significance of them (and I know this because you’ve refused to promise when you know you can’t keep it 😉), a sacred oath that can bind people together.  This Thanksgiving, I’m reiterating an unspoken promise – that no matter the season and despite the inevitability of change, there is a single constant – us.  Your family.  Hold on to that when the days seem dark and bleak, or when you feel misunderstood or mistreated.  We’ll be here, in some shape or form, without judgement or scrutiny.  You’ll always be heard and have a seat at the table. 

Happy Thanksgiving, sweetheart.  No matter where life takes you, you will have a forever home.  I promise.

Love,
Mommy