The screenings don't get easier. My oncology team recommended additional screening in between my mammograms so every 6 months I'll have imaging. I understand the necessity, but the days leading up to my tests plague me with anxiety, nearly like the kind I felt the night before infusions when I'd be a crying mess at the dinner table.
It's the fear of the unknown, the "what ifs." What if they find something? What if the cancer comes back? What if I have to endure chemo again? What if... That fear can almost be debilitating.
It doesn't stop me, though. I never miss my appointments. I know how important they are, not only for me, but for my family.
I had my first breast MRI a few weeks ago. If you don't know how breasts MRIs are done, neither did I until it was being explained to me. You lie flat on your stomach with your breasts hanging down and arms straight up. The IV didn't bother me. (Sadly, I'm so used to needles by now). The prep didn't bother me. The temperature in the room didn't bother me. It wasn't until I was in the machine with all the clamoring and beeping that I started to feel panicked and had to take deep breaths (moving as little as possible) to calm myself down. And afterwards, I felt woozy because I hadn't been able to eat a meal all day because of the nerves.
Minutes later, I had my results: Normal. No evidence of breast malignancy.
I could breathe again... at least, for another 6 months.
Get those screenings and do those self-exams! They could save your life.
