it's december first, which means i've been blogging for 11 full months. i'm not sure i knew what i was getting into when i set out to do this year-long journal, and i surely didn't know how it would turn out. looking back, i'm pleased overall.
i have been struggling with something ongoing though. it has to do with the fine line between anonymity and having a voice. let me explain..
i wasn't sure of much at the time, but i did know that going into this would be a journey that was up to me to navigate. i learned early on that in order to make the whole experience worthwhile, i needed to be as honest as possible -- to myself and about what i chose to share. but i also realized that when you open yourself up, it comes with a vulnerability that is both liberating and frightening to embrace.
so i made a choice.
if you are a regular reader, you'll notice that i never use names -- i refer to my family members by who they are in relation to me ('husband', 'youngest sister'), have labels for my friends ('bff', 'twin'), and even use initials for my cats. i understood that this blog would be a sole venture but that my life is touched by a number of people, and to be fair to those people i felt the need to protect their identities.
but keeping this up has been difficult. how many ridiculous ways have i worded something to be as clear as possible without dropping a simple name? and i've often asked myself what the point of sharing is if i can't completely, fully come out and state what's on my mind. wasn't that the goal of all this? to grant myself some exposure, to extract myself from another nameless face? but how much could i put out there knowing that anybody could see it or find it or somehow use it against me? how many times did i rewrite a post with just the perfect touch of vagueness so i could express what i felt without saying it outright? and there's the super private stuff that will remain... private.
was it even possible to be real and candid without saying too much?
for the most part, i think it's attainable but not exactly feasible. but if someone asked me if it was worth it, despite all the hiccups, i'd say yes. yes, because i don't know if i would have appreciated this year in review as much if i had made it easy-peasy and been an open book.. you know, in that making-lemonade-out-of-lemons and seeing-the-rainbow-after-the rain kind of philosophy. in my opinion, the longest voyages need some off-beat adventures to light the way.
i have been struggling with something ongoing though. it has to do with the fine line between anonymity and having a voice. let me explain..
i wasn't sure of much at the time, but i did know that going into this would be a journey that was up to me to navigate. i learned early on that in order to make the whole experience worthwhile, i needed to be as honest as possible -- to myself and about what i chose to share. but i also realized that when you open yourself up, it comes with a vulnerability that is both liberating and frightening to embrace.
so i made a choice.
if you are a regular reader, you'll notice that i never use names -- i refer to my family members by who they are in relation to me ('husband', 'youngest sister'), have labels for my friends ('bff', 'twin'), and even use initials for my cats. i understood that this blog would be a sole venture but that my life is touched by a number of people, and to be fair to those people i felt the need to protect their identities.
but keeping this up has been difficult. how many ridiculous ways have i worded something to be as clear as possible without dropping a simple name? and i've often asked myself what the point of sharing is if i can't completely, fully come out and state what's on my mind. wasn't that the goal of all this? to grant myself some exposure, to extract myself from another nameless face? but how much could i put out there knowing that anybody could see it or find it or somehow use it against me? how many times did i rewrite a post with just the perfect touch of vagueness so i could express what i felt without saying it outright? and there's the super private stuff that will remain... private.
was it even possible to be real and candid without saying too much?
for the most part, i think it's attainable but not exactly feasible. but if someone asked me if it was worth it, despite all the hiccups, i'd say yes. yes, because i don't know if i would have appreciated this year in review as much if i had made it easy-peasy and been an open book.. you know, in that making-lemonade-out-of-lemons and seeing-the-rainbow-after-the rain kind of philosophy. in my opinion, the longest voyages need some off-beat adventures to light the way.
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