the little things

I’ve been thinking a lot about this time last year, the brief lull between chemo and radiation. It isn’t usually the “big picture” stuff that sticks with you.. It’s random details and facts pieced together a little haphazardly, somewhat like a dream you’re just waking up from. The one where you ask, “Did that really happen?” Yes, yes, it did.

Last year at this time i was dried out from chemo. My eyelashes and eyebrows seemed to all fall out at once. I was still getting used to venturing out in a wig, or even venturing out at all, with a 3-month-old baby at home in the middle of a raging pandemic. When I had seen those sticky notes in the dressing room, I had really needed them. I had barely been holding it together and maybe had shed a few tears. And then I kept going.

A couple of days ago, I was working on something with a coworker, the director of infusion services at the campus where I was treated. After our meeting, I asked her to hang on a few minutes longer so I could properly thank her and her team again for taking such good care of me during the most difficult time in my life and for seeing me through. Even at a year later, I continue to learn from my experience through the eyes of a survivor, and it’s still about the little things. All of those little things getting me through the BIGGEST thing.

So I’ll say it again: Look for the little things. Sometimes they’re everything.

At my CT simulation for radiation last year, 6/24/2020.