i don't think leaving a job is ever easy; the only analogy i can come up with is that it's alot like ending a relationship. when i first started my job at hospice nearly 4 years ago, as part of the orientation program i had a session with one of the bereavement counselors. this was unique to any orientation i had ever encountered but to my own surprise, i thoroughly enjoyed it. it was refreshing in a way, like starting anew, and i think it was the sole course during my weeks-long orientation that stuck out in my mind as truly allowing me to mentally prepare for my role.
during the session, i was asked to express the losses in my life. the counselor explained that losses do not always equate to death, but could be anything from the end of a relationship to the end of a job, like what i had just experienced before coming onboard with hospice. though i normally am reserved and private in sharing such experiences, i spoke candidly about the difficulty i was having with missing my coworkers (including my husband who still worked there), who were also my friends. i had been the first among the group who had left on my own accord, so was having a hard time sorting out my feelings about being removed from our circle. it was during that session that i was able to pinpoint my mixed up emotions as basic feelings of loss and grief, which are natural and part of life.
once recognized and purged of these emotions, i felt free; like a burden had been lifted, like i could properly move on. and i jumped into my new job with vigor and enthusiasm.
looking back on this, i'm now starting to understand why, when i gave my 2 weeks notice, that i was hit with a sense of urgency -- the same urgency i had had at the job before this when i'd told my manager i was leaving. i wanted to do anything and everything in my power to "git'er done," as my old boss would say, to tie up all the loose ends, to complete everything i had ever set out to do in my position. an impossible feat, right? well, it didn't stop me from trying. i worked like a crazy person down to the last minute at my previous job (until my manager came over to tell me to stop), and i did pretty much the same thing with this one. this last week i worked about 12 hours a day, ensuring my staff would be okay, that all my work was transitioned, that my contacts over the years were transferred, that everything was documented in detail. needless to say, i was incredibly stressed, probably not a term you would normally associate with the last couple of weeks at a job... but this is what i was. it took a couple stern lectures from my husband before i realized that i couldn't do it all. that i couldn't control what would happen when i was gone. that i just had to learn to let go.
like ending a relationship, like saying goodbye, this was just another loss i had to mourn.
but luckily for me, i gained some great friends in the process.
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