i often keep things inside. it's just natural for me to turn inward as opposed to outward -- and this can frustrate those closest to me because it takes time before i open up about the battle raging within me.
because i'm fairly quiet too, it can make me hard to read, especially when it comes to my health. i'll have technicians and nurses constantly ask me if i'm okay, if i'm feeling alright, because i don't make a sound and my face is expressionless.
this morning i had a procedure done (or i should say, an attempt for a procedure to be done), which involved alot of poking and prodding, and let's just call it... pressure. alot of pressure. the nurse by my side actually remarked that i was tolerating it really well, but inside it was more like, ow, ow, ouch. i definitely would have spoken up if i'd felt like i couldn't take it anymore, but i survived it with no more than some jaw clenching and a single tear. going through all these tests and procedures has made me somewhat of a pro, and i've realized now more than ever that i have a fairly high tolerance for pain... mostly because i see how clinicians react to my non-reactions.
no pain, no gain, right?
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