the final countdown

It's a very odd time to be this pregnant during a pandemic.  On the one hand, I'm trying to stay grounded... I work for a health system after all, and have always practiced hand hygiene and been a germaphobe with our four-year-old.  On the other, I'm being induced in 5 days (yes, 5!) and restarting chemo 5 days after that (yes, 5).  So feeling a bit vulnerable?  Definitely.

But if there's anything I've learned over the years, and especially over the last few months, fear will get you nowhere.  I could have been paralyzed by it -- when I first found the lump in my breast, when I had the biopsy, when I was given a cancer diagnosis, when I underwent surgery.  I could have been overcome with it -- when I started treatments, when my hair started falling out, when I knew I had to be strong for my baby.  I could have let it slow me down, but instead, I let it drive me as it normally does -- to do the same things I've always done, to continue moving, to keep our little girl happy and unaware and maintain a semblance of a routine.

So tonight we did what we'd normally do and braved the store for some last-minute items before baby.  I'll have to admit, it was the weirdest Target run ever (and at the same time a bit fascinating, when you're trying to figure out why certain items are being stockpiled more than others).

I legitimately needed baby wipes. This is what was left.

Just being there and seeing those empty shelves felt a bit like panic, and I didn't want to be there longer than I needed to.  But I'm happy to report there was plenty of ice cream for this momma and Paw Patrol sneakers in the right size (score!) for a delighted soon-to-be big sister, so at least we managed to pick up some of the items we actually intended to get.  I'm convinced it's those little things that will keep us sane...

Last MFM visit at 36w2d! (and last MFM visit ever).
The final countdown begins!