After we had lost the twins, I remember having this inexplicable fear that if I started to smile, and heal, and "move on," that somehow I would be leaving them behind. I learned over the years though that it's possible to move forward and still remember -- to talk about them, cry for them, celebrate and honor them.
I usually try to take off work this time of year to pause around the babies' birthdays. Nine whole years. Nine years of memories we've made, with them watching over us, still in my prayers every night. The other day when both of our kids were seated with us at the kitchen table, I asked out loud, "What if we had had more kids? There aren't enough chairs." Sophia replied, "If Lily and Lucas were here, we'd all sit together in the dining room." Her simple response made my heart smile.
So much has happened in 9 years. The twins have kept us grounded, remembering to live consciously, not letting the moments pass us by, hugging our rainbow babies a little tighter. Being truly grateful. And sharing the love, by cooking a meal or making a porch drop, through a card or a late night phone call to check up on a friend. This life was meant to be shared and appreciated and celebrated.
(Tonight when we sang happy birthday, Eli joined in, too. He just learned how to enunciate "happy birthday" with all of the celebrations this week).
We miss you so much, Lucas. Happy birthday, sweet baby boy.
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