chemo #2

Chemo #2 today!  And last one while pregnant (thank goodness).  I'm 33 weeks and counting, and hard to believe that I originally was going to be induced in less than 2 weeks from now.

A sweet note/pick-me-up from a
friend on the way to treatment.

Today I was in a room/bed instead of a bay (a rarity, I'm told), but here's a picture for the full effect.  You'd think it would be more comfortable than the chair, but it was harder getting in and out (probably because of my big belly).  I can't fully lie down due to the cold cap, so preferred sitting up.  Speaking of the cold cap... I was in that t-shirt for the majority of the time, not even needing my cardigan or the blanket.  The nurses were in disbelief but I truly run hot while pregnant.  Maybe a weird blessing in disguise?

To pass the time, I had a list of things to do including kindergarten registration along with ALL of the required forms for our big girl... so hard to believe she will be taking that next step so soon.  And I feel like I haven't filled out that many forms in a long time.  Apparently her elementary school is offering both a part-time and full-time option, but we won't find out if she "passes" into the full-time option until August.  Her daycare also offers a full-day kindergarten so we looked into that as well.  As parents, we feel a bit lost... We've had our daycare routine since she was 3 months old, so this is uncharted territory.  Big changes in the near future!

Anthony brought this book along that we've been reading to Sophia.
It is well-written and highly recommended for introducing a child to
what cancer is and what happens with treatment, etc.

Partway through treatment, my husband ran out for a bathroom break and I heard him talking to someone on his way back.  At first I thought he was talking to another patient, because at times he can be friendly like that, but then realized it must be someone he knew.  After awhile, he came in to tell me it was one of his work colleagues (who I've met before) and his wife, who was undergoing treatment and asked if it would be okay to introduce us.  Of course!  So he brought both of them in our little room and we chatted awhile.  She was undergoing Taxol treatments, which I start next, so I asked her some questions.  Apparently they had both seen us at my last treatment but weren't quite sure if it was us.  It really is a small world.

After treatment today, we are packing up the car and driving to Hershey for the weekend.  I've always thought that it's important to make time for family, no matter how busy our lives are or how hard things get.  I had booked a mini-trip for the 3 of us as a Valentine's Day gift prior to baby's arrival and opted not to change our plans once chemo was scheduled.  My mom was really concerned about us going, but I assured her that I'd rest in the short car ride over and to take it easy.  I'm actually really looking forward to spending time away together as a family.  More to come on our trip later!

Post-treatment meal! Takeout from the Mexican restaurant
down the street is becoming a thing.

hair and there

My hair is falling out.

I knew it would, but knowing it didn't make it any easier when it started happening.  It was two weeks to the day of treatment when I noticed the shedding, right on schedule.  I had decided to try the scalp cooling despite the extended chair time, despite the ridiculous cost... because it was important to me not to be "marked" as a sick person.  Not to look and feel sick.  Not to have strangers know about a fight I was intimately experiencing or being the subject of sympathy.  And even though I knew thinning was likely to happen, when it actually did I was almost terrified by how much.

Today was one of those days that I was feeling particularly sensitive about it.  My husband cracked a harmless joke and I found myself crying during dinner.  Our daughter came over to comfort me and said, "It's okay, Mommy.  Some people don't have hair.  Some people have hair, and those that don't are really cool."

Sometimes you just need a four-year-old's perspective.

chemo day 1

First day of chemo.  My husband asked me last night if I was ready, and I told him I wasn't sure if I'd truly feel ready.  I mean, my chemo bag was packed, I read through all the literature on my meds, picked out my outfit, checked off my lists.  So I was prepared, yes.  But feeling ready?  I just really wished I didn't have to be ready for something like this.

Soph had a bit of a meltdown at bedtime since we know she could feel the stress we've been managing.  She understands that I'm sick and that I'll be given medicine.  In her world, that's kind of like having a cold or the ever-present daycare cough, maybe a visit to the doctor for medicine, and gradually getting over it.  It's hard explaining 16 rounds of chemo to a 4-year-old for her to comprehend... so I use terms she understands and then put on my brave face to try to keep our home life as unaffected and routine as possible.

This morning we were up a bit earlier so my MIL could bring Soph to school and we could be on our way to the hospital by 7:30.  The scheduler had told me the infusion center had allotted 7 hours so I was prepared for a long day.  My nurse was ready for me and talked me through every step, which helped to ease my anxiety.

My weight/height and vitals were taken and recorded.  Next came the cold cap/scalp cooling prep.  Even though I watched the educational videos on how to prep and fit, it was more of a two-person job to make sure the cap was as snug as it could be to my head.  Once it was plugged in, then my port was accessed and pre-meds were started.

First one, 15 more to go!

The nurses were amazing.  They hooked me up with my favorite treat. And the cup that Anthony got me for Christmas was perfect for treatment.

Time to get comfy!

And then it was time to start A/C therapy.  I was most nervous about Adriamycin (I mean, look at the color of it!) and the fact that the nurses suit up to administer it, but besides the metallic taste in my mouth, I seemed to tolerate it fine.  The infused Cytoxan hit my sinuses though, enough for me to say something.  A bit of ice on my nose and it relieved the pressure.

The "A" part of chemotherapy.

Effect of "C" on me.

Then it was time to wait.  Time seemed to pass fairly quickly... IR visited to check on my port, and the dietitian I had requested for a nutrition counseling went over how I could feed my body to help manage potential symptoms.  After treatment, I had to sit with the cold cap for 90 minutes.  After the first 10 minutes or so getting used to the cold, it wasn't so bad.  The nurses couldn't believe I wasn't even using a blanket, but I think that's partly because I run hot naturally and even hotter with pregnancy.  So in a weird way, that may have kind of worked in my favor?  As the countdown was nearing an end though, I definitely was eager to have it thaw and off my head.  Vitals were checked again, and soon after, we packed up and headed out.  One down!  And onward...

Post-chemo meal.  So glad I could eat.

P.S. The fatigue hit me later... and I've been pushing through like my nurse had recommended at my chemo teaching.  It came on like she had described it would, like that feeling you get when your body is readying itself to fight off an illness -- a bit flushed, working on overdrive.  The way I see it, I've been growing a little human inside me for 7 months now with an active preschooler at home, so I kind of understand managing fatigue and moving forward.  And that's all I can really do for now.