Wednesday, September 7, 2011

tidbits

snippets of time in our hectic schedules.  words exchanged in fragmented conversations.  bits of our days we choose to share.  parts of the stories we choose to hear.  craving for affection, or is it for attention?  treasured moments carried in our pockets for safekeeping -- little assurances.  pulled out when they're needed most.  morsels of energy, warm on the tongue.  remnants of ourselves.  barely there.  stop.  remember.  just get through.

the pieces are all there.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

rain, rain, go away

there was a single bright, yellow-auburn leaf plastered to my car's windshield by the rain when i got into my car this evening.  my wiper sweeped it to the side, and once i started driving, it blew away.  this tiny, inconsequential detail of my day struck me with a deep sadness that i could not shake.  what is it about rainy days that paint the world grey?

today i felt alittle like that leaf.  trying to glow bright too early in the season, not willing to wait.  broken from the core, attempting to escape, but the tears came and washed me into a wall, only to be blown away in the wind.

i pray that my sorrows can be washed away with this day.

Monday, September 5, 2011

time and time again

ah, 3-day weekends.  having an extra day to do all the things i can't get to on regular weekends.  but why do they seem so short?  they always feel as if they fly by faster than when we just have the 2 days.  i concluded that it must be because i'm convinced i have some leeway to fiddle about... and before i know it, i've done nothing but watch TV for a whole day.

so this time, i made sure to fill up my schedule with lots of activities.  except this made the weekend feel even shorter, since i was so busy.

it's weird, because you'd think that time is absolute... measured seconds, minutes, hours, days, etc... but in theory it is relative.  relative to those who measure it.

maybe next time what i need to do is throw my clock out the window and enjoy it.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

to fear or not to fear

i am pooped.  i went white water rafting for the first time today.  my husband had gone before when he was younger, so it was the first time we went together.

we arrived at the base camp early (probably due to excitement), so we checked in, filled out our liability waivers, strapped on our life jackets, and waited until our color was called.  a tour member approached us and asked if we wanted to jump on the tour that was about to leave instead of waiting, so we decided we would (which is better since the longer i sat the more nervous i became).  instead of the lower gorge course we would be taking the upper gorge, and he assured us that it was similar with class 3 rapids.

once on the bus, one of our guides prepared us for what lay ahead.  he said we were on the narrowest, fastest course they offered, and the water would be good from hurricane irene last week.  the more he talked, the more jittery i was, telling my husband that we were supposed to go on the other course.  i suddenly felt i had jumped on the wrong bus.

at our starting point, a group of 4 quickly asked if we wanted to join them, so we did a round of introductions and climbed in our raft.  then it turned out that a couple was on their own, so the guide yelled out for any other parties of 2, so we paired up with them instead.  neither of them had rafted before either, so i felt better to have some inexperience on my side.

my sneakers were soaked within the first few minutes of takeoff, since we had to wade out into the water before scrambling onto our boat.  we went left around the bottom of a bridge since most of the others were going right, and found that it was already a struggle with the current.  the guide hadn't been kidding about that.  but once we were on, it felt manageable with our paddles.

we swiftly learned how to paddle and steer as a team, and before long we were whizzing by some other rafts like we were on crew or something.  we found that we rowed better backwards and typically ended up sideways, no matter how hard we tried to go straight.  but we also found that it was fun to hit the rapids from the side or from behind, when we didn't know what to expect.

the first time we got stuck on a rock (and i'm talking about some huge suckers), we did as the guide had told us (move to the other side of the boat away from the rock to loosen the raft from the culprit), and it worked without much fuss.  the second time, however, we were stuck by a sharp rock where our path split, and we were stuck good.  my husband got out of the boat to try to push us off and we paddled as hard as we could.  we got free, but the current pulled us downstream to the left (when we were told to go right).  we spun out of control, hitting rocks, trees, whatever we really could hit.  when we reached one of the guides (the one who had told us to go right), he said we'd missed the better rapids on the side.  i don't think any of us cared, since we had a good ol' time bouncing down the left.

it's amazing how calm the waters can be in some spots and how intense they can be in others.  we stopped for a 10-minute break to get some food in our bellies before taking off again.  the rest of the trip was harder since the areas we navigated were narrower and there were rocks pretty much everywhere.  we found that whenever there was a pool of water confined to one spot, it was a rock.  sometimes, depending on how we hit them we could spin off them, but other times they'd sneak up on us and we'd sail over them.

the one time we weren't so lucky was when we were behind another raft and couldn't avoid a boulder right there in the middle of the river (which we did not see since they were in front of us).  the other boat was able to skirt by, but we got stuck, and a 2-person kayak ran up the rock and in turn, was stuck between us and the rock.  then, to top that all off, another raft slammed into us, so we were a huge, messy pile, crammed all against each other.  and somehow in the middle of the chaos, my husband, the other guy in our boat, and the man in the kayak all fell into the water.  and just as soon as the current had pulled us into the obstacle, with some vigorous paddling we were able to catch the current and break free from our raft-kayak-raft collison.

with my husband finally safe in the boat and our other raft member saved by another boat, we made our way to the stopping point, a long hike back to the bus, and finally to base camp where some dry clothes were waiting for us.  i was so exhausted, i fell asleep on the 1-1/2 hour car ride home.

my shoulders, arms, wrists, and even fingers are sore now, so sore they almost feel bruised.  but it was all worth it.  and i'm glad we took the upper gorge, even though it scared me.  i feel like sometimes the most frightening things can turn out to be the most rewarding.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

it is written

it's september, which means i'm in the homestretch of my year-of-blogging-every-day vow.  as i've been creeping into the final months, i've thought about whether my goal has served its purpose.  i've wondered what the whole point of all of it is.  and when a person starts having thoughts like that, it doesn't usually turn out well.

and then i opened up my fortune cookie yesterday to find this:


suddenly, i remembered all the reasons: capturing my days, moments big and small; writing them down so i'll have them always; and writing, just writing.. finding the words, finding my voice.

Friday, September 2, 2011

the help... helps

i spent the latter part of this week craving every free second i had to finish the help by kathryn stockett.  it was a story of 3 women set in mississippi during racial segregation in the 1960s.  it was a fictional account but included historical facts about the civil rights movement.  some of the events in the book were downright appalling to me, especially because i felt they had probably stemmed from true depictions of the time.  i would find myself immensely bothered, angry at some parts, close to tears the next, and then i would flip the page and laugh out loud.  it was a constant vacillating of emotions; and yet, i would go back for more.

the one quote that struck me (and apparently was the line which the author was most proud of, based on her final notes at the end), was this:

"Wasn't that the point of the book?   For women to realize, We are just two people.   Not that much separates us.   Not nearly as much as I'd thought."   

i recommend alot of books, but this is a must read.  you will be better for it. 

Thursday, September 1, 2011

hairy situation

i was typing at my desk this afternoon when i felt a prickle on my arm.  i nearly jumped, thinking it was a bug crawling on my skin.  instead, i found that the ends of my hair (from my head) were actually touching my bent forearm.  i had managed to scare myself with my own hair!

it seems my hair is so long now it has a mind of its own.