just because

i've always loved giving and receiving cards.  this afternoon, i received one in the mail that i wasn't expecting, the kind that was sent to say, "hey, i'm thinking of you," or "this reminded me of you."  it instantly put a smile to my face and warmed my heart.

 

a good friend sends a card.  a best friend sends a card just because.

alight

ever have one of those days where you just want to grab ahold of something that makes sense?  that through the muddle and fog of the "stuff" that comes with life, you want to find a listening ear, a piece of text, anything that can capture just an ounce of what you're feeling?  to feel that you're being understood, that you're being seen?  to know that you're not the only one who's going through it, even though at the time you do really feel completely alone?

 

well, i did.  today.  a blue day.

 

i was searching through my wallet for a receipt, a mindless task, when i came across one of the little messages i had kept from a fortune cookie (i have them all over the place, because they've become more like inspirational quotes, rather than fortunes):

 

"Never fear shadows.  They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby."

 

it did make me pause for a second.  but at the time, i wasn't looking for inspiration.  i was looking for a distraction.

 

and then tonight, it hit me.  i've heard so many variations of that verse...

 

"It is often in the darkest skies that we see the brightest stars."  --Richard Evans
 

“Only in the darkness can you see the stars.”  --Martin Luther King, Jr.

 

“I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars.”  --Stephenie Meyer

 

“Hope is faith holding out its hand in the dark.” --George Iles

 

suddenly, i didn't feel so alone.

 

and then i realized, things will look muddled if i want them to be.  but sometimes it's crystal clear.  we just need to want to see it.

refueled

i stopped at wawa on my way home to fill up my tank, and when i was almost done refueling, i heard someone at the adjoining pump say, "excuse me, ma'am."  when i didn't respond, i heard it repeated and looked over to find a guy who appeared to be about my age and dressed similarly addressing me.

 

"do you mind me asking what year your car is?"

 

you'd think the question would catch me off guard, but that wasn't the reason it took me a beat to remember what year it was.  (it was because i had to stifle a laugh, since my husband was asked about his car at a gas station a couple of weeks ago, and his random conversation with a stranger also started out just like this).

 

i told him what year it was, and he asked me if i had any major problems with it and i said no, that i was quickly approaching 200,000 miles and besides regular maintainance have had no complaints (except for silly little things that were entirely fixable... knock on wood).  he responded that his wife and he were looking at the older models, because he didn't like the shape of the newer ones, to which i agreed.

 

then he commented on how i must drive alot, and i said that i've been commuting for several years and just recently moved into the area to hopefully lessen that.  we started talking about where i moved from, and then our jobs and line of work.  after several minutes, he said it was nice to meet me, and introduced himself and shook my hand.

 

as i got ready to get back into my car, he asked me if my husband and i enjoyed professional networking, as he and his wife participated in/knew of groups in healthcare.  we ended up swapping information and shook hands again.

 

after the exchange, i immediately called my husband and relayed the events, still finding it humorous that he'd had a similar encounter himself, also at a wawa.  my hubbie didn't seem all too pleased, which i can understand.  i'd given my info to a complete stranger.  but, probably after seeing the worried expression cross my face, hubbie remarked that he was sure i would have been able to tell if something was amiss.  i replayed the conversation in my head, and the more i thought about it, the more it began to scare me.  it had seemed like a harmless thing to do, he had seemed nice enough... and yes, i was a good judge of character!  had i really been too trusting in my fellow man?  perhaps.  or a bit naive?  maybe.

 

but you know what?  i'd rather believe that it's possible some people are just nice, and not every random stranger that strikes up a conversation in a public place is a creepster.  i'd like to think that connections can be built anywhere (even at gas stations), and that wawa generally is a friendly place.

 

it's either look at it that way... or... draw my curtains, stay away from windows, turn off the lights, turn on the alarm, and hide in my very private house tucked away in the woods, where no one can find me.

... and i feel fine

around 6 a.m. this morning...

hubbie: it's the end of the world in 10 minutes!
me: there's a time??
hubbie: 6:11!
me: oh.
...

hubbie: 2 minutes!
me: hold me!
hubbie: (produces countdown clock on his cell phone)
me: what happens when time runs out?
hubbie: it goes blank.
both: (watching intently... 5 seconds.. 4.. 3.. 2.. 1.. website appears to shake and scatter, then errors out.  and then...)
me: is it counting up now?
hubbie: yeah.  i'm going to take a shower.
...

hubbie: congratulations!
me: we made it through like, 3 apocalypses.
hubbie: i know, how many generations could say that?
...

around 7:15 a.m...

me (through text): power just went out!
hubbie: lol!


i love having someone to have fun with!

twelve

happy 12/12/12!

received a text from the hubbie this afternoon:

12:12 on 12/12/12.  Love you!

what else could i do but smile?  i love celebrating the little things.

cheese, please

every now and then, i get an odd craving for something i haven't had in a long time.  my cravings usually lean toward the sweet variety, so it's a rare day that i want something salty.  i also don't keep junkfood in the house, so satisfying a craving usually involves a random trip to the store.

 

this morning i woke up wanting cheetos.  i had dreamt about them (don't ask me why), so even after i had tried all morning to push them out of my mind, all my eyes could see were orange.  i hadn't had cheetos in several years.  i couldn't remember the last time i had had cheetos.  i had to get my hands on a bag of frickin cheetos.

 

the minute i left the house, i drove to wawa.

 

once inside, i made a beeline for the snack aisle.  cheese curls, nah.  not today.  oh!  there they were, in a giant bag though -- nevermind, not the puffs.  i wanted the crunchy kind, the bright orangey, powdery, fake-cheesy goodness.  i vigorously scanned the shelves.  what kind of wawa was this?  aha!  i spotted the tiger i was looking for.  the one with the sunglasses.

 

i grabbed a bag and contemplated about getting another, but knew i'd only need the one.

 

in the car, i enjoyed every single morsel, down to the very last crumb, and then shamelessly licked the orangey powder off my fingers.

 

it's funny how cravings go, at least for me  -- once satisfied, they're dissipated -- just as quickly as they've come.

freaky friday

so let me lay out the scene:  it's a quiet morning.  i'm stopped at a light behind 2 cars, around the corner from a middle school.  i'm on the last leg of my commute, just a few blocks from the hospital.

 

i see a flash of something in my periphery, something fast.  i manage to catch a glimpse of tail lights on the back of a sky blue car as it whirs by on the sidewalk.  there's a rumble of noise, like the car is accelerating, and there are a few bumps as it sails off the sidewalk and through the intersection.  next thing i know, i see sparks -- the utility pole is teetering, power lines are falling, and then the traffic light is out.  the car only stops when it's headfirst into a tree, it's front end a welded V against the trunk.  and then... white smoke.

 

besides my initial reaction -- OMGWTFISTHISADREAMDIDIREALLYJUSTSEETHAT? -- i wanted to know if the person inside the car was alright.  there seemed to be a collective hesitation from the others in their cars around me, wondering what to do next, as i'm sure everyone else was as stunned as i was to witness the bizarre sequence of events.  finally, the 2 cars in front of me inched forward carefully (as there was nothing to tell us when to go), and i paused next to the car to look in.  the windows were somewhat fogged up but the guy inside looked to be okay.. from what i could see, he carried an odd expression of almost "wow, that sure woke me up" mixed with "boy, am i in trouble."  i originally thought maybe he was being chased, but saw no other cars around.  then i had thought, what a jerk for being in such a hurry that he had to drive up on the sidewalk.  didn't seem like he'd be going anywhere soon after that, though.

 

people were stopping and approaching the car, so i thought it was safe to move on to avoid starting a traffic jam.  then, once the initial shock wore off, i offered up a silent prayer of thanks that no one else had been hurt.  there could have been pedestrians, especially children around.  someone could have been driving through that intersection at that exact moment -- but thankfully no one was.

 

what a way to start a friday.