final countdown

now that the royal wedding is behind us, it means that my sister is getting married in a week.  one week!  7 days, roughly 168 hours.  by this time next week she will be moments away from walking down the aisle.

i don't think anyone can totally place exactly how it feels that last week before the big day -- for me, the anxiety didn't even hit me until then.  people kept remarking about how calm i was as a soon-to-be bride.  maybe that's how i appeared on the outside, but on the inside i felt.. charged.. hovering somewhere between nervousness and excitement.  and the day of: joy.  enchantment.  rapture.  revelry.  levity.

like floating.

packed up

we're on the road again, homeward bound.  the car is packed full and ready for a 7-hour trip.  we've already talked about work, our thoughts unwinding on the road before us, our responsibilities driving us forward.

if only we could hold off alittle longer, allow the past week's moments to linger.

waving

it's our last day, and i don't think i'm ready to bid adieu just yet.

there's a storm headed our way (the wind gusts are a telling sign) so we're making the most of the bit of sun and warm weather before it hits -- kind of like a last farewell.

is it ever easy to say goodbye?

sunsational

to sum up my day:

257 stairs to the top of a lighthouse; 45 mph winds; cat tracks on the hood of the car; doggie lunch; chased by waves at the beach (literally); finally beat world 2; sunset from our favorite dock; baby turtle; local ice cream for dinner.

funny how much can be squeezed into a day when the watch is off, cell phone is out of range, and the datebook is nowhere to be found.

sparks

tonight we witnessed a spectacular lightning storm from our deck.  i'm not sure if i would have stepped outside without my bff -- it was both fascinating and frightening at the same time.  the sky was pitch black except for the bright flashes of light over the water.

i think i'm beginning to understand what nicholas sparks is always writing about in NC -- seeing and depicting nature in its purest, most powerful form.

breezy

the weather was in the 80s today so we took our bikes to what we're now calling our dock to watch the kiteboarders and windsurfers.  most of the people out on the water appeared to be experts; they were jumping and doing tricks and letting the wind take them.

that's probably the best way to describe what it's like to be here -- free as the breeze.

engulfed

happy easter!  our power went out this morning, so we took a long walk on the beach.  the beach here is different from any other beach i've been to before.  the sand dunes stand so tall that the ocean is hidden until we've made it over them.  whenever the wind blows, depending on the direction we walk, the sand will spray our legs and arms.  large tire tracks make several nude stripes across the sand, the patterns in the tread that can be felt under our toes.

the sound of the ocean waves is surprisingly soothing, rhythmic, almost melodic as they break along the shore.  the wind whistles around our heads and through our ears.  birds hug the coastline, running in and out as the tide chases them, their feet moving fast and sure.

i am not a beach person, but it's hard not to get lost here, to let the wind and waves and sun and sand envelop me whole.

aglow

tonight we rode our bikes over to the bay to catch the last of the sunset.  i hadn't been on a bike since my pre-teen years, but once i jumped on it was like i'd never stopped riding.  isn't it wonderful how easily and naturally some things are always remembered from a single, free, untouchable moment?

kind of like watching the sun make its departure below the horizon at the end of another day.

oceanview

here we are in the outer banks!  finally.  it took us 10 hours when it should have probably taken around 8.  but we made it, and it's beautiful, even during twilight under an overcast sky.  the sand dunes are taller than we are, serving as a picture-perfect backdrop from the road.

our house is right on the beach, which can be viewed from the many windows throughout.  what's better than having the ocean as your backyard?

small world

i'm packing up right now for a week-long trip with the tripod (bff, SIL, and myself -- and yes, that's really a reference to 'the girl next door').

today i found out that our beach house is 7 blocks from my coworker's who is down there right now.  what are the odds that we'd be traveling to the same place (7-8 hours away from home) and overlap our vacations during the same time (especially within the same week)? 

last weekend, my SIL remarked about what a small world it is, like the whole '6 degrees of separation' idea.  there have been plenty of times where i'll be talking to a friend and we'll find someone we know in common.

during my sister's bachelorette party, my sister's fiance's sister (is there any other way to refer to her?) had 2 people acknowledge her on a street corner within a span of a few minutes.  it seemed totally random and funny, but really, what are the chances she'd run into acquaintances in the middle of a crosswalk, while hailing a cab mid-afternoon?

sometimes i wonder what my people network would look like.  i suppose it would resemble my social media map, where you can pinpoint your mutual friends and wonder how the heck they could possibly know each other.  but that is limited to whoever joins the site.  i bet that if i really put my mind to it, i could probably find a link between all my relationships, across family ties or countries or cultures or jobs or hobbies.

each day, we are all touching someone, making the world seem alittle smaller, but enriching our lives in a much bigger way.

forces of nature

during this morning's weather forecast, the meteorologist used "possibly," "chance of," "here or there," "mainly," "few," and "scattered," all in the same update.  or possibly the same sentence.

and it was a "detailed weather forecast," of course.

like meteorology, the science of prediction, the outcome of our every day is unforeseeable.  it dances with the breeze, tempers in the air, fluctuates between passing clouds and breaks of sunlight.  it is a story that is consistently untold, a force that can not be measured; ever-changing yet ever-present, and ever-wielding.

geek squad

it's a luxury to have a number of tech-savvy friends.  sometimes i think i should have paid better attention in my information technology/systems courses, but then who would i call to solve my goofy computer issues? 

second chances

my mom is a social butterfly.  i've often asked her how it's possible that she could have acquaintances and friends in nearly every state we visit.  we can trust that we'll always have a place to stay or a good meal to eat, wherever we are.  she can befriend anyone in a random store or supermarket, even if it happens to be in the virgin islands.

although i've lost touch with friends over the years (moves/distance, college, differences), my mom keeps me plugged into her network.  she'll run into my old bffs' parents and then report back to me about how my past friends are doing now.  it's kind of nice in a way to hear about them, even if we generally don't talk anymore.

a couple days ago, my mom was informed that my best friend from about 7th through 9th grade recently lost her father.  my mom had introduced us at church, since our family was set to move into her town and i would be attending her high school.  we became close rather quickly; she was outgoing and fun and sort of took me under her wing.  she taught me how to wear makeup and gave me the courage to call boys and even set me up with my very first boyfriend.  we had sleepovers and long chats in stairwells and took walks to the store or to grab something to eat.  our friendship was easy and carefree.

when my dad ended up being transferred south, we gradually lost touch, and even more so after a misunderstanding; the details are now foggy to me.  over the years, i thought of her from time to time and would hear occasional updates from my mom.  it seemed that my friend and i had been moving in separate directions anyway, but i still looked for her a few times via facebook.

so after my mom told me the sad news, i tried again and was successful this time.  even though it had been over a decade since we spoke, i still felt it was appropriate to send her a note of sympathy.  i didn't expect a reply, but wanted her to know that she was in my thoughts and prayers.

then today, she responded.  her message was warm and inviting, just as she always was, like time had never passed between us.  she told me that she is getting married this summer and even asked if i'd like to come.  this both surprised and struck me, because i would love to be a part of her special day, despite our falling out, despite the 14 (or so) years that have gone by.

it's interesting that people who have touched our lives can be different, but also still very much the same.  and the only way we'd know this is if we're lucky enough to cross paths with them again.

sweet and sour

have you ever seen those "sour then sweet" commercials for sour patch kids?  my day was kind of like that, though in reverse.

it started out with a group of us who took the philadelphia chocolate tour.  it was a walking/tasting tour that showcased a few places in the city while we learned about the history of chocolate and chocolate-making.  it was a nice way to pass a sunny, breezy spring afternoon.

then, on the last leg of the tour, right before we were about to sample 5 different kinds of scrumptious gelato, i leaned over and dropped my camera on the floor.  now i've dropped my camera before, even earlier today (since i'm a known klutz), but this time the screen went pink and is no longer workable.  great, i thought, i couldn't even make this one last a year.  and just in time for my trip with the girls!  so that was the sucky part of my afternoon.

luckily, i was still riding on a sugar high and in such good company that i couldn't be too bummed about it in that moment.  it's hard for me not to be consumed with heartache over my camera (one of my most beloved possessions), but at least some bubble tea and a lovely sushi dinner with my SIL kept me from moping.

so overall, i can say that the day still ended on a good note.

battle scars

last night we watched '127 hours' about the true story of rock climber/canyoneer aron ralston who amputates his own arm when it becomes pinned by a boulder against a canyon wall in an accident.  although there were a few scenes that were excruciating to watch, the overall theme of the film was about survival and aron's will to survive.  thoughts of his family and delirious premonitions about playing with his future son pulled him through his ordeal.

after the movie, i couldn't help thinking about how far i'd go to survive.  would i be able to drink my own.. fluids (to put it nicely)? make my own tourniquet? stab myself with a dull knife? break my own bones? cut off my entire arm, through skin and nerves and muscle? and then rappel down a wall and look for help, still 8 miles from my car?

it's hard to say.  i say this because it seems that when we're faced with life or death situations, the fight in us is exposed in its most raw form, gritty and material.  it reminds us of what matters most and how we should have done things differently, like a broken record of regrets played right in front of our eyes.  the if onlys are numerous.  only then, in the deepest and darkest of shadows, do we cling to hope and light.. light from those we care about most, like rays of sunshine that touch us and hold us and somehow, guide us through.

patchy

i've been having more "senior moments" lately.  just this morning i was checking e-mail when a message about one of my credit cards reminded me of my bills.  i realized it was already mid-april and couldn't recall if i'd taken care of them.  so i logged in to find that i'd nearly forgotten to pay them this month!  in the past, i had always been able to reassure myself that i'd simply remember when the time came, but today i finally resigned to setting a recurring appointment in my calendar.

i used to feel like i could recount almost anything.  when we played the 'memory' card game as kids, my stack would often be double the size of my opponents'.  i would often bet with my sister about random facts and tidbits of information from tv shows or movies or song lyrics or anything, really, and i won so much that she gradually stopped betting.

that was then, though.  these days, i'm constantly telling my girlfriends what good memories they have, because i find myself blanking on mine.  i don't know if it's selective omission or just that there are now more years in between.  it's probably alittle of both.

one thing i like to do when recalling a shared memory with family or friends is listening to other versions of the whole story, both similar and different, recollecting a piece here and there and patching it together.  it is almost like recapturing a fable and making it real, witnessing it come to life through our cumulative conversations.

memories are funny like that... no 2 are ever exactly the same.

MS-y politics

a friend of mine posted a link to a blog post regarding a recent "public policy polling" that found 46% of people who live in mississippi (MS) think that interracial marriage should be illegal.  yes, illegal.  on the poll's website, a respondent gave her reasoning for why she believes this:

"I believe God made us a different color for a reason and should be honored by not marrying outside of the race that God picked for me, however the color of one's skin does not make him/her better than another color."

what?!  and, really??

as someone in an interracial marriage, it boggles my mind that this is how some people truly think, especially in this day and age.  when i first started dating my husband, a few acquaintances i knew remarked about me being with a "white boy," as if pointing it out would make a difference.  there were times i even remember being stared at in the store, usually from "same-race" couples.  i didn't understand it.  i typically didn't even notice until i could feel the looks, their eyes boring into me for reasons i don't care to know.

my husband and i have discussed this many times in the past.  when we look at each other, we see the people we are, and it's as simple as that.  instead of seeing someone with hazel eyes or dark hair, i see a man who is good and kind and honest.  he says the same thing about the way he views me.

and really, that is all we need to know.  there's no need to justify our relationship to anyone, especially those that don't know a thing about it.  there's no need to even go there.

or to mississippi, for that matter.

deposits

my sis-in-law (SIL) is one of the most warm-hearted, giving people i know.  she often expresses how much she cares about her brother and me through her actions.  she will make us a quiche or bake us a valentine's day cake shaped like a heart, just because.  she will convince me to take an 8-mile walk so we can chat and exercise at the same time (and end up at dinner at a delicious thai restaurant).  she will call just to say hello or text/IM to plan our next movie date or sushi dinner or shopping trip.  she will spend hours over the house transforming an abundance of bananas into muffins and pies and puffs.  she will stay up all night to accompany my crazy self to a midnight showing of a flick i can not wait to see.  she will help me take my best friend to vegas for her 30th.  she will spend nearly an entire day making my birthday cake.  she will stand up for me when i don't expect it, make me laugh when i'm bummed, and we can count on her to be there, whether it's picking us up from the airport or to be a listening ear.

i don't have enough fingers (and toes) to check off the number of times i've told my husband how lucky i am to have her as a sister.  she has shown me what it means to invest in relationships, banking on each other by making installments of love and trust.

so today, i am making my own deposit: wishing the happiest of birthdays to a fabulous sister who deserves the very best.

dry your sky

glo's quote of the day:

when facing a rainy day without an umbrella, arm yourself with a friend (or 2) and you'll find the sun again.

credit

i was in line at the supermarket this afternoon behind a kid who was trying to use his mom's debit card to pay for something.  the store clerk refused to let him use the card without her being present.  he ended up having to bring his mom into the store, and she was not pleased.  she was going on about her bad knees and numerous physical ailments, saying it was horsesh#t that the grocery store had this policy, especially since her son knew her pin.  the cashier explained that it was to prevent identity theft, and the woman went on to say that she wouldn't say anything more about it, since she thought it was a hassle and recognized that the employee was just doing her job.

what the woman didn't realize was that the store clerk basically had her customer's best interest in mind.  after the woman and her son left, the clerk asked me how i would feel if that had been my card and some random person was trying to use it.  i said that i understood and felt glad they were looking out for the everyday consumer.

sometimes, what we see as nuisances and minor irritants are actually there in place to help us.  it may be worth it to separate ourselves from our frustrations rather than displacing or projecting them.  by taking a deeper look, we can uncover the good intentions of those around us.

happy tears

today we threw a surprise birthday party for my sis-in-law.  she was so touched that she cried.

as soon as her tear ducts started flowing, i felt my own eyes watering like a reflex.  i don't remember myself being this emotive in the past, and often joke with my husband about how it's his fault.

when we first started dating, he mentioned that his family was just as emotional as he is.  i assured him that mine was too (just like me), but i didn't know what i was getting myself into.  these days i can cry almost instantly about nearly everything.  over the years, the joke is that his sentimental side rubbed off on me, and i am even more sensitive than i was before we met.

he says that i've always been a feeling person, and that all he did was manage to draw it back out of me (when living in the city made me alittle rough around the edges).  so technically, i can still claim that he's ultimately responsible.

despite the reason behind my increased expressiveness, i'm okay with wearing my heart on my sleeve.  it moves me to see someone i care about crying out of joy.  happy tears are truly the best kind.

out on the town

pink boas.  light up rings and pins.  sparkly tiaras.  martini glasses.  a bride in a sash and veil.  flowing drinks.  suggestive props.  giddy girlfriends.

it can only be one thing -- it's a bachelorette party!

raining bubbles

today i have my very first guest blogger with me: my littlest sister.  i'm staying over at her dorm tonight as we prepare for our other sister's bachelorette party tomorrow.  it's surreal being back on a college campus, getting lost amongst the students.  i almost can't believe that the tables have turned now and i'm the visitor and she's the one studying (and almost graduating too)!

so here she is!

here i am. :) we're writing on my ghetto computer that keeps spazzing out at me reminding me to buy a new computer because this one's gone haywire. so, today is a very rainy day, and i'm so glad glo is here with me to make it a little less rainy! it took her a while to get here, which was expected because of distance, traffic, weather, and just a lot to get done before she came. but she found her way eventually. after an intense hunt for appropriate parking (the deck attendant just wouldn't give us a break), broken umbrellas, and walking through cold, faulty ATMs, we finally reached our destination: SUSHI!!!!!

and bubble tea to top off our stomachs even more, to a level of happy, piggie satisfaction. 

lol. we are quite the foodies. 

ta-ta for now. we are off to get in our PJs, watch movies, and pack things. unless glo has any last parting words?

good night.

bottleneck

there usually is one major highway that snakes into a major city.  in SE pennsylvania, it's 76, or more fondly known as the schuylkill expressway.  this pain-in-the-butt of a road is always packed, no matter what time of day it is.  it could be 1 in the morning or 1 in the afternoon, like today, and you'll be crawling.  weekends are no exception; sometimes it is worse, because if there's a ballgame in town then you're pretty much screwed.

there's this moment for me whenever i see red lights ahead.  some people bail, quickly, by exiting right before the congestion (or reversing on the highway in order to do so); some curse, loudly, banging their steering wheels; some pull onto the side of the road and wait (or switch lanes/veer off the road/drive on the shoulders and don't wait); some approach the jam slowly and quietly, resigned to their misfortune.  i think i fall in the last category.  i'll go through all of the previous scenarios in my head but can only settle upon some silent expletives and alot of huffing.  there's nothing like traffic to kill your mood, knowing you're stuck and can't do a darn thing about it.

it always seems that i'm in a rush to be somewhere when i'm inconvenienced too.  it doesn't take long before i'm frustrated that i don't see workers in construction zones (what are they doing, anyway?), can't see accidents where i am, am unable to predict the better route to take (despite listening to the news), and can't seem to wrap my head around why we'll be delayed one moment and the next it will clear up (for no particular reason at all)!  always these dumb, trivial, almost comical thoughts that float through my head.

maybe i should start telling myself that if i'm late, then i'm late.  yes, it stinks, but it doesn't hurt me.  in the end, for all the driving i do on a daily basis, i should really be thankful i have a car and a road that gets me from point A to point B, and safely at that.

ROFL

ROFL moment of the day:

as my husband and i were talking this morning, we were interrupted by a white ball of fluff whizzing by us out of the bedroom.  a few seconds later, the white mass breezed back in.  our male cat, S (aka buddy) was running back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.  after a couple minutes of this (and much laugher from us), he ran under the bed before peeking out again.  i nearly fell on the floor cracking up at his antics.

i guess it's one of those instances where you just have to be there, but where would we be without this entertainment?

diffused

i was in the kitchen tonight when our female cat, B, jumped back and made a noise.  she froze under the table, too intent to protest further.  i followed her gaze, finally noticing what she saw -- a large, black spider crawling across the floor.

hubbie (my reluctant spider killer) wasn't around, so i resorted to the only thing i could think of -- air freshener.  it was a persistent little bugger.  midway through operation spray-annihilation, i started feeling guilty, wondering if i should have just smushed it and been done with it.

as B watched from my side, petrified, i started to choke from the overpowering scent of lavender and vanilla.  (thanks alot for your help, girl!)

the smell of almost anything potpourri-ish evokes several childhood memories for me, usually when it came to the spider/centipede/creepy-crawly insect rampages my sisters and i had.  whenever the middle sis or i spotted a bug, our first reaction would be to run away from it, wailing and screaming bloody murder.  then after the initial shock wore off, we'd grab the nearest bathroom spray to drown the critters to their premature deaths.  then came the hard part: picking up the remains.  that's when we'd nudge the youngest towards their sticky, lifeless bodies and direct her to discard of them.

so as i sit in this kitchen, still coughing up the sweet fragrance of flowers and candles, i think about my sisters and all the silly adventures (or should i say, misadventures?) we have to remember.

sandwiched

happy birthday to one of my most awesome girlfriends!  i first met her where i previously worked.  she was actually my husband's cube neighbor at the time (before the hubbie and i even started dating).

she was the first person to invite me out to lunch with the group and always tried to include me in happy hours or other extracurriculars.

just the other day, we were reminiscing about her involvement in the early stages of my relationship with my husband.  she was often the one we'd be relaying our messages through, recognizing our feelings for each other probably before we even voiced them.  she tagged along mere moments after we called our relationship "official," and played an integral part in my husband's master plan to propose.

thinking back, we laugh about these situations, but at the real heart of it, she was a part of them.  she has shared our happiest memories with us, and those memories will not be forgotten.

so a very happy birthday to the girl who likes to be in the middle of the action.

up, up, and away

my coworker let me borrow the movie 'up' a few weeks ago and we finally got around to watching it today.  it's a story about an elderly man named carl fredrickson who embarks on an adventure after losing his wife ellie and the threat of also losing the house they had shared.  the fredericksons had made a promise to each other to someday travel to paradise falls and build a house there, but ellie passed away before they were able to go.

ellie had started an adventure book as a little girl, leaving blank pages to fill in after "stuff i'm going do when i get there" (there being paradise falls).  as carl leafs through the book, he comes upon the page and is struck with regret about not being able to take his wife there before she died.  later in the movie, he discovers that she had filled the blank pages with pictures of the 2 of them throughout their lives, thanking him for the adventure and telling him to start a new one.

this part of the movie reminded me of my favorite scene in '500 days of summer' -- expectations vs. reality.  sometimes what we want and believe to be true isn't the case.  things happen.  things don't happen.  things are not the same.

sure, life has its share of downs, but it also has its ups.  so we might as well enjoy the ride (even if it means in a floating house).

evacuation plan

whenever i'm in a crowded place, i usually like to have a visual escape route.  i like to map out my path to the door or bathroom, just in case i need to use either.  it's possible i'm a bit claustrophobic.

my cat B (remember her?) is the same way.  she likes to lie on this one bathroom mat, and whenever i come in and close the door behind me, she appears flustered.  she will get up from her comfortable spot to stand watch at the door.  although she's content to be inside the room (and does not appear to be in any hurry to leave), she will stare at the door, facing the only way out that she knows.

B typically does not make a sound as she does this (and she has many sounds), but i can sympathize so will normally reach over to crack open the door just a bit.  then she will peak out, understanding, and lay back down on the inside of the door, less bothered.

i'm not sure if my fear of confinement is as intense as B's, but i do like to know that i have the option to leave.  sometimes i'll be perfectly fine wherever i am and then the air will start to feel like it's being sucked out of the room.  the only way i can describe it is that it almost feels like a mini panic attack is creeping in.  often, the force is so strong and so abrupt that it catches me offguard.  the worst part is, i feel powerless to stop it, but know one thing and one thing only: to get out, take myself out of the situation.

i still can't put my finger on what triggers this, just that it suddenly feels like i am being cramped.

okay, so maybe i'm more than just alittle claustrophobic.

tomfoolery

what can i say about this april fools' day?

1) waking up to a cat purring loudly above my head/refusing to get off my pillow is not my idea of an alarm.

2) mother nature has an odd sense of humor.  seriously, snow?!

3) yelling at the toilet to stop overflowing doesn't work.

4) leaving my lunch on the kitchen counter makes it much harder to eat.

5) my coworker's "i'm pregnant" fake confession to her mom was probably one of the most hilarious (and craziest) jokes ever.

6) "do you have a few minutes?" translates to "can you stay an extra hour?"

7) watching the sunset at work is nice, except for the part about still being at work.

8) being sandwiched between 2 kitties is a great way to end the night.