unfortunate

well, if i were to crack open a fortune cookie today, the little white slip of paper inside would read that there is more surgery is in my future.

and it would be sooner than expected.

so, back to the surgicenter in less than 3 weeks.

bike pike

spring is in the air!  it's been a beautiful week and start to a great weekend, especially because i could enjoy it with the hubbie.  this afternoon we broke out our bikes for the first time this season and rode around the neighborhood.  i was so excited to be riding around that i jumped at the chance to tackle a couple of hills, and boy, are my legs thanking me!  we didn't go much further after that, but we had a nice time feeling the sun on our faces.  next up is getting back into our running shoes.

a lil' vanilla

i finally had a chance to watch vanilla sky, which i've heard described as "crazy" and "nuts" over the years.  i've also heard people remark that you'll just end up asking, "WTF?!" throughout the movie, which is pretty much what i was doing until the final scene.

so what can i say about it?  is it considered a psychological thriller?  sci-fi?  or just some random movie that is completely out there?  probably all of those, more or less.  and although it is a film from 2001, it still manages to get a person thinking.

what happens when someone who seemingly has everything manages to lose it all in an instant?  would you jump at the chance to live your life if you had a second chance?

i'll leave you with the quote that i think answers the above very clearly: "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around."

two weeks notice

i don't think leaving a job is ever easy; the only analogy i can come up with is that it's alot like ending a relationship.  when i first started my job at hospice nearly 4 years ago, as part of the orientation program i had a session with one of the bereavement counselors.  this was unique to any orientation i had ever encountered but to my own surprise, i thoroughly enjoyed it.  it was refreshing in a way, like starting anew, and i think it was the sole course during my weeks-long orientation that stuck out in my mind as truly allowing me to mentally prepare for my role.

during the session, i was asked to express the losses in my life.  the counselor explained that losses do not always equate to death, but could be anything from the end of a relationship to the end of a job, like what i had just experienced before coming onboard with hospice.  though i normally am reserved and private in sharing such experiences, i spoke candidly about the difficulty i was having with missing my coworkers (including my husband who still worked there), who were also my friends.  i had been the first among the group who had left on my own accord, so was having a hard time sorting out my feelings about being removed from our circle.  it was during that session that i was able to pinpoint my mixed up emotions as basic feelings of loss and grief, which are natural and part of life.

once recognized and purged of these emotions, i felt free; like a burden had been lifted, like i could properly move on.  and i jumped into my new job with vigor and enthusiasm.

looking back on this, i'm now starting to understand why, when i gave my 2 weeks notice, that i was hit with a sense of urgency -- the same urgency i had had at the job before this when i'd told my manager i was leaving.  i wanted to do anything and everything in my power to "git'er done," as my old boss would say, to tie up all the loose ends, to complete everything i had ever set out to do in my position.  an impossible feat, right?  well, it didn't stop me from trying.  i worked like a crazy person down to the last minute at my previous job (until my manager came over to tell me to stop), and i did pretty much the same thing with this one.  this last week i worked about 12 hours a day, ensuring my staff would be okay, that all my work was transitioned, that my contacts over the years were transferred, that everything was documented in detail.  needless to say, i was incredibly stressed, probably not a term you would normally associate with the last couple of weeks at a job... but this is what i was.  it took a couple stern lectures from my husband before i realized that i couldn't do it all.  that i couldn't control what would happen when i was gone.  that i just had to learn to let go.

like ending a relationship, like saying goodbye, this was just another loss i had to mourn.

but luckily for me, i gained some great friends in the process.

waiting

i had a 2-hour lab test this morning so i had the opportunity to sit in a waiting room full of all kinds of people.  i had a book with me, but it was hard to concentrate with the pop country station blaring from the radio (not that i was complaining, because i realized i had most of the songs that were playing on CDs in my car) and the chatter of several conversations going on at once.

when i first got to the lab 5 minutes before my appointment, i was the only one there.  but within minutes there were 3 walk-ins, and by the time i got back to my seat the place had filled up.  the older man to my right sparked up a conversation with the younger woman next to him.  he asked if this was a work day for her or time off, and she said neither.  she expressed that she had been out of a job for awhile and that the market was tough, and they both said they had heard it was going to get better.

within the first hour, i saw a number of people shuffle through the lab, including an elderly couple who had scheduled their appointments one right after the other.  an older woman, a regular who apparently needs to have her bloodwork done every few weeks, started voicing to everyone around her, including said couple, how frustrated she was with the wait.  the 4th woman she encountered asked if she'd made an appointment, and she said no because she didn't have a computer.  the woman suggested a couple of options to making an appointment (over the phone, having her daughter make an appointment for her), but the regular seemed more interested in complaining, and rather loudly at that.  she went to the back room to call her husband and when she came back she claimed that he was mad... apparently because it was taking longer than she thought it would.  after a slight verbal scuffle with the only technician on duty, the woman waited another 30 minutes and left.

by the time i had finished out my 2 hours, a whole new group of people had started filtering in.  i'll admit, despite the circumstances, it was quite interesting to people-watch, hear the stories filling up the room from my little corner.  but, after being poked in both arms and giving up several vials of blood, i think i had had my share of entertainment for the morning.