a lil' vanilla

i finally had a chance to watch vanilla sky, which i've heard described as "crazy" and "nuts" over the years.  i've also heard people remark that you'll just end up asking, "WTF?!" throughout the movie, which is pretty much what i was doing until the final scene.

so what can i say about it?  is it considered a psychological thriller?  sci-fi?  or just some random movie that is completely out there?  probably all of those, more or less.  and although it is a film from 2001, it still manages to get a person thinking.

what happens when someone who seemingly has everything manages to lose it all in an instant?  would you jump at the chance to live your life if you had a second chance?

i'll leave you with the quote that i think answers the above very clearly: "Every passing minute is a chance to turn it all around."

the road

i went to my first specialist appointment yesterday.  i'll spare you the details, but basically i was given a timeline of at least 6 months for me to receive the treatment i need to get me on track to where i need to be, before the specialist and i can even begin to tackle the next daunting issue on the list.  you'd think that this news would be comforting in a way, after 2 long years of struggling from appointment to appointment, but i was struck with a feeling of hopelessness that i could not shake all day.  my husband on the other hand, re-discovered his old self that had been lost for awhile, feeling a bothersome weight lifted because we were finally given an expected timeline.  this was yet another example of us naturally balancing each other out.

i once watched this movie called the road starring viggo mortensen.  it's a post-apocalyptic story about a man and his son's battle to survive as they travel south where they believe it is warm -- not knowing what they will really find there.  it's a heavy tale filled with despair, but the glimmer of hope the father holds onto is to get his son to safety.

my problems can not really compare to a drama like that, but it's scary to think that arriving to the point where we are now is only the beginning of a seemingly long road ahead.  sometimes, like yesterday, i feel powerless and distraught; other times, i'm okay, trudging forward.  i remind myself that we've made it this far and that it's just part of the journey.

my sister gave me some great advice that really comforted my heart: "I think that if anything, this current struggle will become a part of your wonderful love story. Everything in life's a process. God says so often in Scripture, "Do not be discouraged," and "Do not be afraid." So don't be discouraged, and most of all, He'll help you because God helps those who mourn."

thanks sis.

present day

i finally got around to watching midnight in paris -- a movie i've wanted to see for awhile, because i mean... paris?  literature?  need i say more?

there are probably various interpretations of the recurring theme and feeling of nostalgia throughout the story, but what it meant to me was to appreciate the present for what it is.  and it's possible to make the most of your time now, as your "golden age."

i'll leave you with my favorite quote from the movie, spoken by ernest hemmingway incarnate:

"No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms courage and grace under pressure."  --Midnight in Paris

conviction

tonight we watched 'conviction,' based on the extraordinary true story of betty anne waters, who devoted 18 years of her life to free her brother from prison.  her brother kenneth was convicted of robbing and murdering his next-door neighbor in 1983 and sentenced to life in prison without parole. 

never doubting his innocence, betty anne put herself through law school, first earning her GED(!), bachelors, masters, and finally a graduate degree in law.  she did this all as a single mother of 2 boys and working part-time.  once she passed her bar exam, she became her brother's attorney, hoping to obtain assistance from barry scheck, the founder of the innocence project, an organization focused on overturning wrongful convictions using DNA evidence. 

but first, she needed the evidence.  being a 16-year-old case at the time, she was told the evidence had been destroyed according to state law, but that didn't stop her (or her attorney friend abra) from searching until it was found.  with the evidence and help of barry, they were able to prove from DNA testing (which was not around at the time of kenneth's conviction), that he was, in fact, innocent.  yet the story did not end there. 

although kenneth had been proven innocent, he was not released because it was not enough to show that he had not been an accomplice in the murder.  again, in true erin-brockovich fashion, betty anne did not give up.  she went after those who had testified against her brother, convincing one of them to come forward with the truth, which was that she had been coerced by police to claim kenneth had committed the murder.  with this, he was released from prison in 2001.

betty anne did not continue to practice law after her brother's exoneration, since she became an attorney with a sole purpose in mind: to free her brother.

after the movie, i went online to read more about the case and discovered that kenneth died only 6 months after his release, after a freak fall and fatal head injury.  i wondered how that must have felt for his sister, who dedicated nearly 2 decades of her life to essentially save him.  she had sacrificed her marriage, time with her children, and so much more purely out of love for her brother and unwavering belief in his innocence.  it was incredibly inspiring.

what lengths would you go to in the name of love and justice?

mirror, mirror

i finally had the chance to see black swan today.  one of the elements clearly depicted in the movie was how natalie portman's character, nina, faced pressures from all sides of her life -- from her overbearing mother, from her artistic director, from a rival ballerina, and most of all, from herself.  the burden she placed on herself to be perfect was so immense that the line between reality and fantasy began to blur with the disintegration of her mind.

often, i think we are affronted by stress in our lives, from work or school, from personal affairs.  the demands for success, to make our parents proud, to take care of ourselves and our families is very real.  i remember a very dark time during my college career when i had to confront these expectations head-on, knowing that whatever i decided would hurt or disappoint someone, but that ultimately the choice was mine, and mine alone to live with.

in those times when i am at my limit, stressed out and burned out, overloaded and frazzled, i am reminded that i need to stop obsessing over things out of my control.  to breathe.  to remember that we can not always avoid the stressors in our lives, but that we can curb how they affect us. 

metaphorically speaking, it's like looking in the mirror and reflecting on what is really there, rather than what could be.  it's affirming who we see staring back at us, rather than focusing on the distorted image our distress embodies.