the road

i went to my first specialist appointment yesterday.  i'll spare you the details, but basically i was given a timeline of at least 6 months for me to receive the treatment i need to get me on track to where i need to be, before the specialist and i can even begin to tackle the next daunting issue on the list.  you'd think that this news would be comforting in a way, after 2 long years of struggling from appointment to appointment, but i was struck with a feeling of hopelessness that i could not shake all day.  my husband on the other hand, re-discovered his old self that had been lost for awhile, feeling a bothersome weight lifted because we were finally given an expected timeline.  this was yet another example of us naturally balancing each other out.

i once watched this movie called the road starring viggo mortensen.  it's a post-apocalyptic story about a man and his son's battle to survive as they travel south where they believe it is warm -- not knowing what they will really find there.  it's a heavy tale filled with despair, but the glimmer of hope the father holds onto is to get his son to safety.

my problems can not really compare to a drama like that, but it's scary to think that arriving to the point where we are now is only the beginning of a seemingly long road ahead.  sometimes, like yesterday, i feel powerless and distraught; other times, i'm okay, trudging forward.  i remind myself that we've made it this far and that it's just part of the journey.

my sister gave me some great advice that really comforted my heart: "I think that if anything, this current struggle will become a part of your wonderful love story. Everything in life's a process. God says so often in Scripture, "Do not be discouraged," and "Do not be afraid." So don't be discouraged, and most of all, He'll help you because God helps those who mourn."

thanks sis.