two nights ago, i found myself going to bed with a tightness in my chest that i hadn't felt before. i could only attribute this to stress, because the pressure i place on myself is tremendous -- i believe that i can physically make myself sick from worrying. my mom is probably the top worrier in my family (she is currently traveling but sends me long text messages which still have the same effect as if she were still local and not halfway across the world), but i know i don't fall too far behind.
one of the things that was on my list (and looming) was to complete the second module of this online book-writing workshop i've been taking. i chose my own deadline, but true to form, i started later than i should have so had to combat alot of writing in a short amount of time. every time, i ask myself, why i do this??? but come up with nothing. what can i really say when it gets to that point? so i learn to cope.
anyway, the module was completed and on time (hooray!), which is also true to form, and then i had to redirect my attention to a number of appointments i had today. it felt like a very long day, but once everything was concluded, the weight (and tightness in my chest) really lifted. on my drive home, i enjoyed the sunset, witnessing the clouds in the sky go from streaks of white to pink, the sun a glowing, descending, orange ball. it was truly beautiful. (i've recently concluded that winter skies are the most magnificent). i finally felt a bit of the peace i've been searching for, and am happy to report the chest pains have subsided.
and now on to the next thing to worry about... (just kidding, well, sort of).
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