Your Nai-Nai came for her weekly visit today and asked me if having this time at home with you felt like the best time (as she was remembering the times she had with me and my sisters) -- and it made me stop and realize that yes, it really is! I have less than 2 weeks left in my maternity leave, and it saddens me that it's almost over. Being your primary caregiver has been a life-changing experience, and I've learned so much being your mommy. I can't believe that I'll be turning over that responsibility to daycare soon. In a way I'm afraid I'll miss so much, like your milestones or even the most subtle changes, or spending the day cuddling and lounging like we do, or having that time together where you're my listening buddy. My coworker probably described it best when she said it was like being in her own little bubble, just the two of them, as life kept moving along.
So yes, life does have to move along, and that includes me going back to work. But some things I want to remember now are...
How you wake up in the morning. Sometimes I have to get you up, and I love those few seconds where you're snoozing and I'm speaking to you gently. That first stir, the long full-body stretch, and the opening of your eyes as you're slowly gaining consciousness.
How you can't wait to eat, even as I'm setting you up on the nursing pillow and positioning your body. It's like you know you're about to feast but can't wait another minute, wiggling and fussing until I can get you calm and settled. How you have a "word" for eating and can tell me when it's time. How you grab my hair or shirt or necklace, and kick your leg up high in the air as you breastfeed. How you look around everywhere, the most distracted nurser.
How you smile when I smile! I live for your sweet smiles.
How I can make you dance when we listen to music, or how sometimes we dance together.
How when you're satiated, nursing becomes like a dream state for you. How you sleep best on my lap afterwards, and how I feel stuck, deciding whether to move or not to disturb your peaceful slumber.
How you often go again after I've just changed your diaper not even 2 minutes ago. How you smile after your BMs, every time, like you're proud. It makes me laugh!
How when people visit, they have to be focused on you. If they start talking to Mommy, you start to fuss until the attention is back on you. I mean, people came to visit YOU, didn't they? They shouldn't expect to talk to anyone else!
How you can "talk" back and hold your own in a conversation.
How you hate to be strapped into the car seat but fine once you're in the car and moving. How you look around, like you can see out the windows.
How you're quiet when you're outdoors, taking in the world. You jerk your face toward the sun, eyes closed, when we'd think you'd do the opposite. You look around inquiringly, taking in the sights and sounds.
How you recognize the camera!
How you attach yourself to Daddy when he first comes home. How being on his chest seems so fitting, and how little you look curled up there, content.
How you cry through tummy time, but keep on moving. How we're only able to let you go 5-10 minutes since you sound so distraught.
How you like to "stand up" on the boppy, pushing off with your legs.
How you're constantly moving your limbs -- you are a wiggle worm, after all -- and if I set you down I can hear you by your movements in the pack 'n play.
How you fit perfectly on my shoulder and nestle there. How you like to burrow into my chest when you're sleepy.
How you know bedtime is near and protest when we put you in the sleepsack. How you hate your arms swaddled in. How you fight sleep even when you're drowsy and your lids are closing.
How you often start moving when I check the baby monitor, almost as if you know I'm watching. It reminds me of when you were still in my belly and I'd place my hand there, and you'd touch me from the inside to let me know you were there and okay.
How I peek in on you constantly, because what else would a mommy do?
How you're so snuggly and welcome kisses.
How I love you!
These last 9 weeks have really been the best time with you.
Love,
Mommy
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