on wednesday morning around 1:30 a.m., i woke up with a strong urge to use the restroom. not completely out of the ordinary considering i've been getting up a few times a night pretty much every night since the first trimester. so i was up within seconds and to my horror... didn't make it to the bathroom at all.
i was mortified. if i had to describe what had happened, it felt like a water balloon had exploded between my legs. everything was soaked.
once in the bathroom, i noticed a pinkish discharge. not to get technical here, but as long as i'm sharing, anything closer to red than brown is usually a "call your OB" kind of thing. as it was the middle of the night, i woke my husband up, terrified that all the liquid on my PJs was actually blood.
after inspection, we determined that it was probably urine since there's no mistaking the smell. i peeled off my garments, changed, and stuck the soiled stuff in the washer. the thought of incontinence was totally embarrassing, but hey, just another icky thing that your preggo friends don't warn you about.
except that... by the time i got back upstairs, i was wet again without even realizing i had gone. and this time everything looked clear and really didn't have much of an odor. so i sat over the toilet waiting for it to be over, but it kept on coming. i remarked to my husband that it felt like my water was breaking, even though i wouldn't have a clue as to how that would feel, with me at 20 weeks and us not even signed up for birthing classes yet.
after about 5-10 minutes, the flow stopped, i changed yet again, and went back to bed with the intention of calling the OB first thing in the morning. i was squeezed in for an afternoon appointment and that is where the fun began.
my OB determined that the pinkish discharge was in fact amniotic fluid, which meant that it was likely my membranes had ruptured. standard protocol would be to directly admit me to labor & delivery to monitor me for signs of labor. labor?! the first 24-48 hours after my water breaking was crucial.
things moved fast after that. we drove straight to the hospital, and i was strapped in with a toco belt to monitor contractions. an ultrasound determined that membranes were indeed ruptured and one of the twins was without an amniotic sac. i was tested for signs of infection, as that would be critical at this stage since twin A was essentially now unprotected. we knew instantly that this was a game changer.
later that evening, i was seen by a maternal fetal medicine physician who explained the outlook for twin A. since amniotic fluid plays a vital part in lung development, the ability for the baby to breathe on his/her own would be difficult. there was mention of terminating the pregnancy, which i didn't even want to think about, or playing the "wait and see" game, which seemed reasonable since i still was not showing any signs of labor or infection.
hubbie stayed that night scrunched up on the sofa beside me, and i quite possibly had the worst night's sleep of my life. i had never been admitted to the hospital before. i woke up nearly every hour, the foreign sounds of beeping machines, newborns crying, muffled voices, nurses making their rounds clashing with the racing thoughts going through my head. was i going to lose our baby? were we going to lose both babies?
thursday morning i was visited by my OB with our revised plan. if my labwork looked fine then i could possibly be discharged that afternoon or early the next day on bed rest, with the hope that i'd reaccumulate some of the fluid i'd lost. then i would be seen weekly, and if i were able to hold on through 23 weeks, then i'd be readmitted to the hospital at 24 weeks for the remainder of my pregnancy, where i'd be surrounded by a specialized team in the event that i'd go into preterm labor, which is a strong possibility.
after some more tests and a detailed ultrasound, i was discharged late afternoon. hubbie set me up upstairs around the bed, which will be my friend for the next few weeks, and i am restricted from all activity except to get up to use the bathroom, to shower, and to eat.
to be honest, the next few weeks and months seem insurmountable. i feel helpless and stir crazy (already) and entirely unproductive. and then i think about the burden this will be on my husband, managing the housework and running errands and the baby room we've only just started and the bigger car we haven't yet purchased... so many things, so much time, and yet, i'll be of little use.
and then i keep telling myself that all of it will be worth it in the end. that with our faith and the support of our family and friends, we can navigate through this challenge as we have with all the others... like we had through three years of infertility and then IVF... we never lost that shred of hope or the belief in miracles. and now our tiny miracles just need another.
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