running pains

this morning i eased into my first workout after my latest back injury.  (i'd decided to rest from my workouts for a week).  shortly after i started my run, being careful to slow my pace to that weird jog/walk shuffle, my back started aching so i told myself i'd run to the mile marker and walk back.  but before i knew it, i had made it to the bridge without hardly breaking a sweat.  i turned around, deciding when i should stop.  it felt good to run and i had truly missed it... but i knew if i pushed it like i had before, i would regret it for a week later.  so i slowed to a walk, finding that it was harder to make myself stop than to keep going, even with some pain. 

after about a half mile of semi-brisk walking, i found that i was completely bored.  so i went back to a cautious jog, making it another half mile before time was up.  in a way, the whole run wasn't very satisfying.  i wanted to run.  i ached for it.  and i ached more to run than from my pain.

over these past 2 months, somewhere along the line, and without even noticing, i had become a runner.

right of way

our management class today was on clinical ethics.  i had taken a medical ethics course while in college so was generally familiar with the basic ethnical principles and terms, particularly beneficence and nonmaleficence.  what stuck out more to me this time around was that with beneficence, the ethnical principle of doing good, and nonmaleficence, the ethical principle of doing no harm, it may require actions that are "out of the norm," feel uncomfortable, set limits, and include not being able to honor patient and family goals.  with customer service always top of mind, it begs the question, "can doing the right thing be bad customer service?"

this wasn't news to me or anything, especially after working in healthcare for a decade.  we walk this line every day.  we're faced with situations and decisions that not only impact ourselves and our organizations, but ultimately our patients and their families.  we strive for what's good and right, even if it hurts to do so.

 

the interesting part, which i did not realize until i thought about it (ethics classes always make you do that, don't they?) was that while in school, we had all these examples and situations to discuss and debate, sometimes being assigned to support the side we did not agree with.  it used to pain me to do this.  but it taught me a very important lesson that was reiterated today: doing the right thing is not always easy; it doesn't always "feel good"; we don't always have to agree with the facts, but we do have to agree with what we believe to be honorable.

pen to paper

whenever i write, i need time for my thoughts to marinate beforehand so the juices can seep and fester.  then, when i'm ready, i sit myself down and the words just flow, pouring right out of me.

i've done this since i was in junior high when i had substantial homework.  it continued throughout high school whether we had essays or senior projects, which we often had weeks to do.  i'd end up working on them the night before, occasionally pulling all-nighters.  my mom told me i should quit this bad habit -- waiting until the last minute -- but how could i explain to her that no matter how long i'd sit in front of my notebook or computer or how detailed of an outline i created, it would do no good?  my mind was what had to be prepared; my thoughts had to be organized in my head and kept there until they were ready to be sorted out and shared on paper.

in college, this process bothered a classmate and good friend of mine.  we had some healthy competition going on when it came to our essays.  she would spend weeks on her research papers, picking her topic, developing her ideas, formulating an outline, writing and editing several drafts, and finishing up her final draft early.  i would choose my topic and think about what i wanted to write in the back of my mind for weeks, do some research here and there (but mostly during the week it was due), and write it all up a day or 2 before the deadline, editing as i went.  when we received our grades, we would compare our scores, and she'd either beat me by a couple points or i'd beat her by a couple.  but we were always close, and this drove her nuts.  she constantly asked how in the world i pulled it off yet again.

i do the same for creative writing.  as a teenager, it would only take one word or idea to inspire a poem or short story.  i often kept a notebook and pen handy, but even then felt like i couldn't jot down what was swimming in my head fast enough.

since i've been blogging though, i find that my writing process is alittle different.  i do still think about what i want to write in spare minutes during my day or on the car ride home.  but once i'm in front of my laptop, it can go either way.  sometimes i can write my entire post without stopping, a smooth transition from my head to my fingers.  other times, i struggle a bit, the 'backspace' becoming my enemy.  could it be because i know what i post will be shared with the world the instant i click 'publish,' whether i'm ready or not?  perhaps.

still, no matter how it comes out, i'm writing.  (and editing -- that part never stops).  and somehow what i want to say is said.

after the storm

well, we survived hurricane irene with little to no damage, except for some windblown plants in the yard (and me feeling alittle stir-crazy because i've been limited to the couch and bed in a reclining position, since that's all my back can take).  there wasn't a drip of water in the basement, and the power must have gone out sometime after 2 p.m. but come right back on, since my bedside clock was blinking this morning.  (interestingly, the power had gone out pre-hurricane on friday morning and stayed out longer and been more of a hindrance -- i had to manually open and close the garage door to even leave the house -- than apparently the hurricane had been).  so overall, i have no complaints.

several of my friends though, were not as lucky.  i've heard of a number of basements flooding and power outages throughout our area -- my parents' included.  and speaking of my parents, they had a rough night themselves when they were stuck in knee-high deep rain and the car flooded.  luckily, emergency services responded quickly and escorted them home.  the only thing which didn't pull through was the car.

the other thing going on this weekend are my in-laws' birthdays.  today's my MIL's birthday, and since we could not see her, we sang happy birthday to her over the phone.  she and my FIL were over the house yesterday to celebrate, since it was his birthday (yesterday).  it was nice to be able to treat them to lunch since they're usually the ones cooking for us.  i liked that they could sit and relax while my husband and i busied ourselves in the kitchen.  they deserve time for themselves since they're the hardest working people i know, although they're always doing stuff for others.

if there is one thing i could wish for them both -- it would be for a sense of peace, much like the calm after a storm.

whirlwind

there's nothing like an impending hurricane to stir up some excitement, especially in our area where we are not accustomed to storms of this magnitude. 

the last hurricane (that i remember) which touched down around here was hurricane floyd in my freshman year at college.  i don't think we expected it to hit as hard as it did.  classes went on as scheduled so my suitemates and i were still out and about when the rush of rain and subsequent flooding came.  the wind blew our umbrellas inside out, making them useless.  we sloshed through several inches of water crossing the street to the sidewalk.  it didn't help that our dorm was at the top of a long and moderate hill, so by the time we made it up we were completely soaked from head to toe.  that was nearly 12 years ago.

now, you can't turn on the news without hearing updates on irene.  channel 10 was doing live coverage from the shore points when i got up this morning and is still talking about it at this hour.  there have been mandatory evacuations, road closures, shutting down of transit lines, and red cross disaster preparations.  grocery stores have been flooded with people buying the usual: milk (why milk?), eggs, and bread (according to the comic from last night, it seems people want to be ready to make french toast during storms).  and apparently some gas stations have run out of gas.  what i want to know is where anyone would be going in the middle of a storm anyway.

so i've made my few preparations: stayed inside and decided what book i want to read.  my husband made his: brought in the grill and the non-potted plants.  we're ready.

and i'm set on staying dry this time.

quips

we went to a local comedy show tonight that was different from others that i've been to.  for starters, it was held in a bowling alley, or technically a small showroom attached to a bowling alley and pub.  the stage was a little corner of the room and there were groups of tables of varying sizes scattered throughout.  it was an intimate setting and stereotypically what i'd imagine a comedy show to be like, although the closest encounter i've had to this kind of setup was probably the comedian and improv group we had seen on 2 of our cruises in the past.

my first comedy show was to see dane cook at my sister-in-law's university shortly after my husband and i started dating.  it was held at the stadium outdoors and there were people everywhere.  i've only seen a handful (if that) of shows since then, the most recent being daniel tosh at the end of july.  this was at an indoor venue also with hordes of people.

if i had to choose, i think i may prefer the intimate setting, even though it's more interactive and there's a chance the comic will pick on you.  it just seems right when it's done this way, almost like a private conversation between strangers.  the comic will push the envelope, test the limits, feed off the audience's vibe.  and the audience, in turn, will show its approval through laughter.  it's a constant give and take.

from the handful of comedians i've seen, i sense that it's not an easy job -- monotonous, minimal pay, lots of travel, short-lived fulfillment -- and i start to realize how unfunny a comic's life must be.  yet through it all, these people still want to make us laugh, and that is pretty uplifting, if not remarkable.

pulled back

my back is still acting up.  i dragged myself to the store to buy a hot/cold pack so have been applying both heat and ice all day.  but i still feel.. creaky.  like i'm 3x my age.  or trapped in my own body. 

powerless.

the most frustrating part about this is i'm only 3 workouts away from finishing our running program.. yes, i'm in the homestretch!  it's so close i can taste it, and yet, i must wait.