OCD

i was on my way home tonight when i realized that my cell phone wasn't in the inside pocket of my purse, where it usually is.  i fished around my whole bag for it, hoping it would somehow materialize if i wished for it hard enough.  it didn't, of course.

so i searched the car (as much as i could while driving).  it wasn't on the seat or console or stuck in the door or anywhere in between.  once i was settled on the fact that it wasn't in my possession, i thought about where it could be, deciding that it must still be at work.

this whole thought process probably only took a few seconds, but then the questions started coming.  why hadn't i noticed the phone on my desk when i was packing up?  could i leave the phone at work until tomorrow?  should i turn around to retrieve it?  how much time would it take to go back?  what if i discovered that it wasn't even where i thought it was?  what if i'd dropped it while i was out during my break today?

at this point, there was no room for hesitation.  i had to go back.  otherwise, the questions wouldn't stop and i'd be plagued with them all night.  i had to find out.

don't you absolutely hate that?  just this morning, a coworker mentioned that she had gone back home to make sure that she'd turned the iron off.  i do that all the time with my straightener, checking and rechecking, until i get in the car and start asking myself if i really remembered unplugging it or not because i am so used to doing it every day.  this happens with the garage door too.  i'm constantly questioning whether or not i really saw it close, until i just give in and make a loop around the development.  once the questions start flowing, i really have no choice.

it turns out that my phone was under a stack of papers on my desk.

ah, well... i'd rather know than obssess about not knowing.  at least that's what i tell myself.