today i woke up crying from a bad dream i had of my mother dying from breast cancer. she is overseas right now, so i had dreamt that she never made it home from her visit. in the dream, i was racking my brain to picture the last time i had seen her before her trip, and couldn't remember if we'd hugged. and i cried and cried because i was convinced that we had not, and the ache in my heart was from missing her, even though i had just found out the horrible news minutes earlier.
coincidentally, today is the day my mom is traveling back home, so the entire scene in my head was incredibly jarring, even after i'd woken myself up with my own tears. i hate waking up this way, to a wet pillow and swollen face, and utter confusion... then remembering the terrible images conjured up by my mind, the realness of the raw emotion, the stillness of the morning. until finally, to the relief that it was only a dream.
there was nothing i wanted more today than to hug my mom as tight as i possibly could.
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