The evening before Lily's birthday, my in-laws surprised us with an engraved bench to install by the memorial. It's been 8 years, but they never forget; they leave flowers at the twins' graves every August and have helped keep the area clear of weeds.
I find myself struggling during this time of year and it's not always readily apparent what is going on beneath the surface, even to me. I'll catch myself feeling more easily irritable and less patient, and have to give myself pep talks before being around others. At times, the grief can be crushing... and other times, I just want to sit and remember, and cry for my babies.
Every year that passes is another year without them, and time is elusive.
Lucas, you would have been 8 years old today. Happy birthday, my first little man! Oh, how I wish that you were here. I carried your fighting spirit with me especially in this last year, and know you were cheering for me to make it through. Your absence has taught me to be ever present, to be here with our rainbow babies, to tell them about you and Lily, to remind them of your place in our lives. I think that you would share that same light I see in their eyes and in their smiles.
Keep reminding us how incredibly fragile and precious this life is. We'll sing to you, we'll pray for you, and one day we will see you and your sister again. We love you, dear son.
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