oddball

i unwrapped a piece of dove chocolate this afternoon to uncover this message: "it's not only okay to be different, it's fantastic!"  i literally laughed out loud.

i've always been alittle different.  some could say eccentric or peculiar.  i have been called aloof and mysterious, seemingly unapproachable (until you get to know me), and i don't need anyone to tell me that i'm a bit of a weirdo.

as a child, i often felt out of step with other kids my age.  i was painfully shy and quiet, and for the most part kept to myself.  throughout elementary and middle school i was mercilessly tormented (which sadly is nothing new these days), for being chinese, for wearing odd matchy-matchy neon-colored clothes from taiwan, for having glasses, for being overweight.  of all the socially awkward stigmas a person could have, i pretty much had them all.  i was blissfully unaware of what was "in" because i was a constant outsider.

being on the outside, i became a quick observer.  i watched what the popular kids would do and say, but even when i was welcomed into the crowd, i chose to be distant.  i wanted to disconnect.  i never felt quite right to be included in the circle, because it made me feel like an imposter, a fraud, playing pretend for the day or night.

my sisters, particularly the middle one, managed to get "it" (whatever "it" was), and attaining and maintaining all the right moves seemed absolutely effortless for her.  she was always ahead of the curve when it came to new trends or whatever was in style or mainstream.  although four years her senior, i consistently felt behind.  but whereas i couldn't help being different as a child, i preferred individuality as i stepped into adulthood.

it wasn't until college (as it often happens) that i started to settle into my own skin.  i realized that who i had become was a direct result of all my quirks and nuances, and not the other way around.  this made me unique.  this made me me.  and i was okay with that.

if i could go back, i wouldn't change a thing.  i'm glad i stuck to my guns.  i'm glad i didn't conform.  i'm glad i never lost myself because i was different.  and if there is one thing i could tell the younger version of myself, it would be that being different is fantastic.