stutter

there is a church across the street from a gas station which i use that i particularly like.  i've never been inside, but what draws me to this place are the messages displayed out front.  i look forward to these notes because they speak to me when i need them most.  today's bulletin was: "better to bite your tongue now than have to eat your words later."  this was especially relevant to me in a recent situation, and i wish i could have shared this quote with the person who affronted me.

whenever i'm confronted by a difficult person or amidst an argument, i clam up and/or walk away.  it's as if my mind freezes, pauses, goes blank, goes mute, can't process, can't articulate.  i do a kathleen kelly.  i'll explain.  the other day, i caught part of the movie, 'you've got mail' and meg ryan's character, kathleen kelly, describes how she gets tongue-tied when provoked and is unable to say exactly what she means when she means to say it.  that's me in a nutshell.  i'm not quick enough to counter or retaliate, and i can't even count how many times i've thought of what i could have said at a later time.  i've always been this way, probably at first because i was a timid child, but later because i witnessed how hurtful altercations could be.  and i purposefully didn't want to regret words spewed in anger.

i'm not sure who taught me the "sticks and stones" chant when i was younger, but i happen to think it's rubbish.  words do hurt.  alot.  i understand that the intent of the childhood mantra is good, but reciting the lines never made me feel even an ounce better.  in my opinion, a cutting remark can cause more pain than a physical stab or wound.  so i'm somewhat glad i have this unfortunate inability to vocalize my feelings when someone has upset me.  this allows me not to have to exercise the church's message.

now if only i could pass this insight on to the world.. but wait, i basically am.  so there you have it, divine wisdom from a church sign.