my mom and i didn't always have the wonderful relationship we have now. we butted heads constantly and it all boiled over one summer night. i remember it vividly because i was sitting in my boyfriend (now husband)'s car in a rita's water ice parking lot.
my dad had called me because my mom and i weren't exactly speaking at that point. i didn't realize it then, but he gave me an excellent piece of advice that i have since then applied both personally and professionally.
basically, he told me that some people are set in their ways so don't have the capacity to change. according to him, the only way to make it work with those people is to accept it and be willing to bend alittle more than them. because i was younger, and therefore had the time to learn to change, then i should be the one to give.
at the time of course, i was adamantly opposed to this plan because i felt that compromise should be 50/50, that each person in conflict should equally share responsiblity for their actions.
however, i took heed of his words, and slowly but surely, my relationship with my mother began to evolve. looking back, if i had to pinpoint the moment which had prompted the change, it would have been that night with my dad on the phone.
i do believe that compromise is a two-way street, but not necessarily of equal measure. the ideal compromise would be a mutual understanding, a balanced give-and-take, a split right down the middle. but i think if we expect this of each other in all of our relationships, we would be left wanting; and potentially, so would others.
next time, instead of pushing and pulling and battling it out, it may be worth it to evaluate ourselves and be willing to swallow our pride. there are probably times we could have been more adaptable or resilient, and most importantly, forgiving.
my abridged version of dad's advice: sometimes we need to take a step back in order to take that step forward.
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