tipping point

today is mardi gras, which evokes a memory from sophomore year in college.  my suitemates and i decided to check out the madness on south street and join in the festivities.  the night was crisp and cold enough for us to see our breaths in the air.  the street was so packed that at some points we were stopped, unable to move forward, our bodies jammed up against each other and random strangers (ahem, refer to my 'elbowroom' post).  there were sounds everywhere: raucous crowds spilling into the sidewalks from bars, the clicking of ridiculously high heels on the pavement from girls in ridiculously small outfits, drunken yelps and obnoxious singing (why do people tend to break out in song when they're drunk?), guys hooting and hollering and whistling through their teeth, and of course, the "show me your boobs/beads!" chanting.

despite the uncomfortable masses, the unwelcome groping from dirty old men, and the occasional flashing/streaking that we witnessed, we had fun.  that was, up until we heard bottles being thrown, glass in the street, and a couple of guys jumping on car hoods, some armed with bats, starting to wreck parked cars.  without convening or discussing what to do next, our group swiftly and deftly crossed the street to make a quick exit.  it was as if an unseen force was pushing us towards the el and the safety of our dorm.

later that night on the news, we found out that we had narrowly missed the riots of a good night turned ugly.  thank goodness, we thought.  we had made the right decision to walk away when we did.

how many times have i skirted the brink of disaster, sensing the sudden change in mood?  i can usually tell when a night is about to go south or turn sour.  it only takes one word or action that oversteps the line, and i'll feel the itch to put on my jacket, pay my tab, and bolt.  some nights i listen to that little voice inside and get lucky.  other times i ignore it and regret it later.  why didn't i leave when i had the chance?  i'll ask myself, over and over.

maybe i need to reorient myself to trust my own instincts.