i'm an expert at the silent treatment. it's not a skill i'm particularly proud of, but a skill nonetheless.
whenever i'm angry, instead of boiling over, i generally simmer beneath the surface. like i've mentioned before, i'm unable to formulate the words i want to use to convey the feelings i want to express. instead, i am mute, collecting my thoughts, simulating comebacks and shouting them in my head, sometimes wishing i could have said them but glad that i hadn't.
the longer i stay mad, the more times i've gone through the above scenario. the cycle will repeat itself until i'm raging, fuming mad.
but i remain silent. and the whole time my mind is on overdrive, my pulse racing, and i'm completely and utterly consumed with burning, irrational fury.
nobody would know this, except that i appear to be exceptionally quiet and remarkably apathetic; often unresponsive, but if i do reply it is with one-word answers in a flat voice and dismissive tone.
i can go about this for hours. days. sometimes, i don't even want to stay mad, but my pride gets in the way. other times, i can't even remember what i'd been annoyed about or what had even started it all.
that's when i know i'm ready to let go. it only takes a rueful look, soft word, or loving gesture and i crumble. we hug it out and something lifts, like a burden released from my heart.
it is true what is said about how the person holding the grudge is the one who ends up hurt.
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