memory game

this weekend i took hubbie back to the first b&b we had ever gone to 7 years ago as a valentine's gift.  it is now under new ownership but i booked us in the same private carriage house we had stayed in previously.  despite the updates and improvements to the decor, it was immediately familiar and nice to go back after all these years.

in the spirit of reminiscing, hubbie suggested that we do the same thing we had done after our first visit to the inn.  i couldn't remember what that had been, so he reminded me that we had gone to see a movie on our way home.  (it's funny -- on friday i was chatting with a coworker and she shared this one random memory she had of her parents, wondering aloud why, out of all the things she could have remembered about them, that particular moment was so vivid.  i said i thought that memories are like that; we don't really choose them, they kind of choose us -- if that makes any sense).

and so on our way home, hubbie and i stopped at a movie and he even agreed to my pick: the vow.  it's a movie inspired by the true events of a real-life couple named kim and krickitt carpenter who, after less than 10 weeks of marriage, barely survived a terrible car accident.  the wife, portrayed by rachel mcadams, suffered severe head trauma and woke up with no recollection of her husband and the years they had shared.  in real life, krickitt carpenter never regained her memory and her and kim are still married with 2 children.  it's an amazing testament to love and the sanctity of marriage.  i can't even begin to imagine what it would be like to forget all the little things my husband and i built up as a couple -- our inside jokes, the way we can communicate without speaking, the things we've learned and shared with each other.  those are all the things that tie us together, that make the vows we took on our wedding day even stronger.  so i could see how difficult it would be to lose all that and have to essentially start over again.

there was one part of the movie i especially liked.  the husband, played by channing tatum, asks his wife out on a "first" date and brings her on a retrospective tour of their actual first date, convincing her to agree to it by comparing it to reading a favorite book again.  afterwards, he tells his friends that the date went even better than the first time around. 

coincidentally, it reminded me of this weekend.

the road

i went to my first specialist appointment yesterday.  i'll spare you the details, but basically i was given a timeline of at least 6 months for me to receive the treatment i need to get me on track to where i need to be, before the specialist and i can even begin to tackle the next daunting issue on the list.  you'd think that this news would be comforting in a way, after 2 long years of struggling from appointment to appointment, but i was struck with a feeling of hopelessness that i could not shake all day.  my husband on the other hand, re-discovered his old self that had been lost for awhile, feeling a bothersome weight lifted because we were finally given an expected timeline.  this was yet another example of us naturally balancing each other out.

i once watched this movie called the road starring viggo mortensen.  it's a post-apocalyptic story about a man and his son's battle to survive as they travel south where they believe it is warm -- not knowing what they will really find there.  it's a heavy tale filled with despair, but the glimmer of hope the father holds onto is to get his son to safety.

my problems can not really compare to a drama like that, but it's scary to think that arriving to the point where we are now is only the beginning of a seemingly long road ahead.  sometimes, like yesterday, i feel powerless and distraught; other times, i'm okay, trudging forward.  i remind myself that we've made it this far and that it's just part of the journey.

my sister gave me some great advice that really comforted my heart: "I think that if anything, this current struggle will become a part of your wonderful love story. Everything in life's a process. God says so often in Scripture, "Do not be discouraged," and "Do not be afraid." So don't be discouraged, and most of all, He'll help you because God helps those who mourn."

thanks sis.

love match

happy heart day!

my sister told me about this valentine's contest called "the sweetest story ever told sweepstakes" offered by godiva chocolate and nicholas sparks.  although whatever was submitted as our sweetest love story had no influence on the chances of winning (or was even required), i decided to write my own story about how my husband first met and got together.  below is my entry.

Love Match

A firm handshake.  A polite greeting.  A look, a smile. In that instant, I knew he was special.

Love at first sight?  Perhaps.  But I didn't believe in that anymore.  Plus, I wasn't exactly free.  I had history with someone else, and no matter how mixed up I was about what all those years added up to, it was a problem I had to solve on my own.  And so, we would be coworkers, and eventually friends.

A special friend.  Someone I looked forward to seeing every morning.  Someone who left me notes and messages.  Someone who made me laugh.  And finally, someone who wouldn't settle for just friends.

As a girl who had always planned everything to the last detail, I didn't plan for love.  Yet love had a special equation for me, and he was my solution.

By the way, my husband is great at math.

love you, hubbie.

mini cupcakes for my valentine. <3

chopped

so... drumroll, please... this morning i chopped it all off!  yes, my hair!  it's now 10 inches shorter and feels super light.

(to read about my decision to donate to locks of love, go here).

i made it through the summer and most of winter without getting it cut, and although i didn't have a set timetable in mind, something told me it was time.  i loved my long hair but it was getting harder to manage (especially when it's cold and i need to blowdry it every morning).  i was also afraid that if i waited any longer that i wouldn't be able to bring myself to actually cut it.  so i called a bunch of salons and found out that hair cuttery would cut and mail out my hair for me.  now that i had a location, i just needed a day.

when i asked my bff when she would be free to come to my hair appointment for moral support, she asked me if i was sure.  i told her i was (or at least, i thought i was).  so we set the date and tentative meeting time, and all that was left to do was to make sure i showed up.

i felt increasingly anxious last night into this morning and even more so as i waited for my turn.  once in the chair though, i was ready.

ready...

set...

go!

my stylist asked me if i was ready before my first cut, and with one quick snip.. it was done.  there were others in the salon at the same time who asked me if i was donating to locks of love, and when i said yes there were comments about what a great organization and charity it was.  that was what made the whole process easier for me: the thought of my hair going to a disadvantaged child.

afterwards, my bff and i went for an impromptu lunch.  special thanks to her for helping me keep it together.

my hair hasn't been this short since i was 16, which was 15 years ago!  i do have to say that the whole experience was quite liberating.

news blues

the news has been plagued this week with the powell family tragedy, a story that truly bothers me to my core.  with every new day more information is released, and as the pieces are coming together it is one of the most horrific stories i've heard in a long time, and even worse, inescapable.

i remember first hearing about josh powell when his wife susan went "missing" 2 years ago.  he claimed that he had taken his 2 sons camping overnight during a blizzard, which i had thought was completely bizarre at the time, and something in my gut told me that if he hadn't murdered his wife, he at least had something to do with her disappearance.

as time progressed, the story got even weirder.  there seemed to be alot of discord and animosity between the powell family and susan's parents.  their already strained relationship seemed to suffer further when josh started saying that susan had run off with another man, and then josh powell's father, steven, expressed that he had had a sexual relationship with susan and had started to fall in love with her.  not long after that, steven was charged with child pornography and voyeurism.  josh's sons were then placed under the custody of susan's parents while josh was allowed supervised visits.

as if that wasn't bad enough, on sunday, days after a judge ruled that josh's sons were to remain under the custody of susan's parents until josh underwent a psych evaluation, he allegedly committed a murder-suicide by blowing up his own house with his 2 sons inside.  the social worker had just dropped off the boys for a visit when he locked her out.  the social worker smelled gas and called 911, but soon after the house exploded.

following the explosion, word came out that the boys had started to verbalize more about the night their mother went missing, saying that she had been in the trunk of the car and when their parents had gotten out of the car, their mother went missing.  there was also news about 911's poor response to the social worker's call resulting in a delay in sending police out to the house.

it is just a terrible story all around.  it even came up during dinner with a girlfriend last night, and we both agreed that the story needed to be told and rehashed because there has to be a way to learn from it to be able to prevent it from happening again in the future.

the sad thing is, despite the delayed response from police, it probably wouldn't have changed the outcome.  but even knowing that, i sincerely hope it is taken seriously by the powers that be.  i think at the very least, it should become an opportunity to find ways to answer the question: what could have been done better?

punx'd

okay punxsutawney phil, i won't be second-guessing your powers again.

so 6 more weeks of winter, you say?  not so bad when the mornings look like this.  (hope i'm not eating my words later).

broken

i've officially stumped my doctor -- in his words, not mine.  so now it's on to a specialist.  it's hard to keep it together when i can't help feeling like my body is alittle broken.  but notice i said my body.  my spirit, for now, is still intact... barely.  but it is.

tonight's pick-me-up:  coldplay - fix you.

super duper

the new york giants win super bowl XLVI!!

we went over my in-laws' house to watch the game with my husband's family, who have been long-time giants fans.  my husband says i'm spoiled because i didn't really start watching the giants until 5 years ago, and the following season they went on to win super bowl XLII.

but it's not easy being a giants fan.  it always seems like they're making it harder on themselves.  case in point: the game-winning touchdown, which turned out to be quite funny.. except in the moment it was actually quite scary, because it meant the patriots had 57 seconds to retaliate.  and 57 seconds in football world is excruciating.  i literally wasn't breathing when tom brady threw his hail mary attempt at the end.  it was crazy!

so yeah, it's not easy being a giants fan.  yet every time when i'm about to lose hope.. they come out fighting.  they never give up.  and so i can't give up on them.  i like to root for the underdog, after all.

thanks for an exciting season, g-men!  see you next year.

pinned

hi, my name is glo and i'm addicted to pinterest.

my youngest sister introduced me to the site a couple of months ago but i didn't request an invite until recently.  i started playing around with it today and was immediately hooked.  it's essentially an online pinboard where i can "pin" images that interest me to my boards.  what i like about it is that i can pin anything that i see while surfing the web or repin what others have discovered on the web, and have it all in one place.  who thinks of these things?  it's genius!

and now back to pinning.

under pressure

two nights ago, i found myself going to bed with a tightness in my chest that i hadn't felt before.  i could only attribute this to stress, because the pressure i place on myself is tremendous -- i believe that i can physically make myself sick from worrying.  my mom is probably the top worrier in my family (she is currently traveling but sends me long text messages which still have the same effect as if she were still local and not halfway across the world), but i know i don't fall too far behind.

one of the things that was on my list (and looming) was to complete the second module of this online book-writing workshop i've been taking.  i chose my own deadline, but true to form, i started later than i should have so had to combat alot of writing in a short amount of time.  every time, i ask myself, why i do this??? but come up with nothing.  what can i really say when it gets to that point?  so i learn to cope.

anyway, the module was completed and on time (hooray!), which is also true to form, and then i had to redirect my attention to a number of appointments i had today.  it felt like a very long day, but once everything was concluded, the weight (and tightness in my chest) really lifted.  on my drive home, i enjoyed the sunset, witnessing the clouds in the sky go from streaks of white to pink, the sun a glowing, descending, orange ball.  it was truly beautiful.  (i've recently concluded that winter skies are the most magnificent).  i finally felt a bit of the peace i've been searching for, and am happy to report the chest pains have subsided.

and now on to the next thing to worry about... (just kidding, well, sort of).