back to the backpack

i am not one to forget things.  because i'm a planner, i'll prepare everything to a tee, up to and including things that a person can't even be ready for.  but that doesn't stop me.  i'll find something, anything to plan.  so i'll write my lists (on sticky notes, of course), check them off, re-list items, e-mail my to-do list to myself... anything, everything, to avoid forgetting the tiniest detail.

so when something slips my mind, i'm blindsided.  how could i have possibly forgotten that?  i'll ask myself.  even those around me, who know my crazy must-remember tendencies, find it a bit out of character when i actually don't remember something.

as i've grown older, this has become a constant internal battle, partly because i have more responsibilities and limited time, and partly because it's impossible for a normal human being in their 30s to remember everything.

and yet, i struggle with the reality of it.  i do everything in my power to make sure i don't slide, even though i can feel it lurking beneath the surface.

if i had to determine why i am like this, i think it may stem from a backpack.

shortly after my family moved to l-ville and i started school, a girl from my bus stop befriended me.  she was a year older but took me under her wing, and naturally, we became best friends.  we lived in the same neighborhood and (i'm not sure i'm remembering this correctly), although there was a bus stop down the street from my house, i would walk through the development in order to meet up at hers.  this often meant that i would have to leave earlier than i needed to in order to catch the bus, which also meant that i'd most likely be rushing.

one day (and again, this is based on what i recall), i walked all the way to the bus stop, and my friend asked me where my backpack was.  i turned around, only realizing then that i had forgotten it!  it took me a beat to acknowledge that it must have been at home, but only a few seconds later to decide that i had to run back for it, with my friend eagerly in tow.

(on a side note: yesterday this same old friend found me on facebook, which reminded me of this story.  so say what you will about facebook, but you can't deny it connects people)!

well, we missed the bus that day and my friend's mother had to drive us both to school.  although i can't remember all the details of the incident exactly, the feeling i had from forgetting something stuck with me.  seriously, how does someone forget their backpack going to school?  i felt silly and sheepish, ultimately caught off guard.  and that, even as a child, felt unnatural and uncomfortable.

so i think the neglected backpack started it all.  i knew i never wanted to feel 'ambushed' again.  this doesn't mean i can stop my forgetfulness from happening, but i'll continue doing whatever i can to ensure a more.. formulated outcome.