hallowedding

whenever halloween rolls around, it reminds me of my wedding anniversary because of its proximity to our actual date (11/2) and my husband likes to joke about our "pumpkin-themed" wedding, since i picked a pale orange and sage green as our colors.  i hadn't even realized this about the color scheme until he pointed it out a year or so later, and he loves teasing me about it because i'll tell him it WAS NOT a halloween wedding.

during our first halloween in the house, we bought a ridiculous amount (and variety, since i wanted to make sure every kid was happy) of candy and alternated door duty for most of the night.  whenever it was my husband's turn and he'd hear the doorbell ring, he'd race to the door to hand out candy to the trick-or-treaters.  i liked hearing him talk to the children during those brief intervals throughout the night, because it reminded me of what a wonderful father he would be someday.

it's remarkable to have thoughts like this about our future children and them trick-or-treating someday when it doesn't seem so long ago that we were still dressing up ourselves, bearing the cold with our friends, going door to door, trading our candy at the end of the night.  if anything, halloween reminds me of youthfulness and merriment, a night of entertainment and fun.  so maybe it's not a bad thing for our wedding to be so fondly compared to halloween... after all, we could say the same things about our special night.

boots on the beach

we awoke to a bright and sunny day in cape may so had breakfast on the enclosed porch of a restaurant.  afterwards, we walked around the shops and then decided on the beach.  the beach, for the most part, was deserted, which calmed me, even though it was windy and chilly.  we walked along the shoreline where we discovered a horseshoe crab shell, which was funny because my husband had just been describing it to me over breakfast.  as i shot photos, my husband found some shells and rocks, and even some sea glass.

the afternoon was for dolphin and whale watching.  once we made it into the atlantic ocean, we looked for atlantic bottlenose dolphins and came across several pods in this one area.  our guides told us that dolphins are intelligent and curious so actually respond to noise, so after some friendly calling and yells, we saw a few jump and bob right next to our boat.  some even dove right under us and would surface on the other side of the ship.  they were playful and surprisingly unafraid of us.  it was nice to see them thriving in their natural habitat (especially after watching the documentary, 'the cove').  the rest of the tour was spent scouting out larger whales which weren't sighted (but we could technically say we saw whales because dolphins are actually small whales).

right after the tour, we drove directly home, making it back in probably an hour less than the time it took us to get down there during the storm.  after unpacking and taking care of some things for tomorrow, the only remnants from the beach are a magnet on our fridge and some sand on our shoes.  our weekend retreat was officially over, but we were glad to have the time to simply enjoy each other.

escape to the cape

it started snowing around 9 in the morning by our house, so we ventured out with an expectation for a long, slow drive.  we weren't in any rush to get to cape may since we weren't sure what the conditions were like there.  we were forced off the main road at one point for what i assume was a bad accident, and weaved our way back to the highway where we saw several disabled vehicles that had slid off the road.  the roads in general were slick, so i was content going 40 mph all the way down to the a.c. expressway.  i think by the time we made it to that point, we had counted 7 stranded cars in all.

i remarked to my husband how pretty it all looked though, with the changing fall leaves and powdery white snow.  i couldn't remember the last time (if ever) that i'd seen such a beautiful sight, and we enjoyed the scenery while navigating to our welcome destination.

the rest of the drive down was uneventful.  when we crossed into new jersey, there was nothing but rain.  the only precipitation in cape may was rain as well, so we decided on a quiet dinner and watched updates on the storm and movies at the hotel (we were finally able to watch one of the netflix movies we've had for 2 months, since i'm grateful for so we can unplug our queue!).  it was a nice, cozy escape from what was going on back home.

brrr... grrr

today turned cold, like winter-kind-of-cold.  like you-can-feel-it-in-the-air-cold.  like it's-going-to-snow cold.  when i checked weather.com earlier this week and saw there was rain/snow predicted for saturday, i didn't believe it.  but as each day crept toward the weekend, the forecast became more and more ominous.  some rain, with maybe alittle snow mixing in.  a possible snowstorm.  an early nor'easter.  now the word is heavy snow, with about 6-10 inches of accumulation.  seriously, old man winter?  you couldn't wait?!

not surprisingly, i made plans this weekend for my husband and me to celebrate our upcoming anniversary.  this morning i found out that part of those plans were canceled due to the impending storm, but by the afternoon it had worked itself out.  the secret location was still a go.  that is, if we even get to our destination.  the forecast doesn't look too good.  what a disaster!

at least, whatever happens, we'll be together... whether it's spending a weekend away or being snowed in our house.  here's to tomorrow's adventure.

phrase maze

expressions, idioms, phrases, whatever you call them, baffle me.  my husband uses them regularly in his daily vocabulary, and i often stop him to explain what he's trying to say because i don't recognize the string of words he's using.  at first, this was somewhat amusing to him since expressions are part of his natural language, but now he's accustomed to defining a phrase after he's used one and is met with a blank stare.

since i'm a wheel of fortune junkie, i discovered this hiccup affected my game while playing along at home.  normally solving puzzles fairly easily with only a few letters visible and often shouting out answers before the contestants, i was surprisingly mute during the 'phrase' category.  it was always more difficult than any other puzzle.  every time that category was announced, i would find myself filled with dread.

"i suck at phrases," i remarked huffily to my husband, frustrated.

"that's okay.. it's only because you don't know them," he reminded me.

well, that was true.  then i thought about why, and the answer was simple and clear.  my parents had moved to the states for graduate school, so the only colloquialisms they would know were in chinese which hadn't been passed down to us.  and my sisters and me, with english as our first language, wouldn't have heard any of those silly expressions growing up.

and they're everywhere!  a few times each week, someone has used a saying or i've read a phrase somewhere or an expression has somehow made it on my radar, and i make a note to look it up or ask my husband about it.  he's like my phraseology translator.  it's amazing how many there are that most, who've been exposed to and have utilized expressions as casually as a manner of speaking, probably wouldn't even notice.  to me, it's probably enough to make up a whole other language.

meanwhile, fingers crossed, i'm going to conquer that darn phrase category someday.  even if it kills me.

chit chat

i have a girlfriend who i chat with nearly every weekday, sometimes for maybe just a minute or 2.  we'll "talk" about how our day's going at work, what our plans are for the weekend, our families, our mutual friends.  most of the time we launch right into subjects without the technicality of a greeting, our online onversations comfortable and candid.

over the years (i think it's been 7!), we've come to know and understand each other through these fragments of our days, tossing out subjects, gauging our emotions at the moment, supporting each other.  they've almost become one long, ongoing conversation, keeping us connected.  i've found that i've come to look forward to sending a quick, how's it going? message.  what may seem light and casual has amassed substance, and ultimately, a good friendship.

"Talking with a friend is nothing else but thinking aloud."  --Joseph Addison

consider this

assumptions.  we all make them.  assumptions about ourselves, about each other, about the circumstances surrounding us.

i suppose the real question becomes: at which point do our presumptions go from harmless to hurtful?

maybe it's not worth it to find out.

do something

i saw a man on the side of the highway today in a bright green vest, the kind that a construction worker would wear to stand out to motorists.  but something about this man and his stance told me that he was no construction worker, and as i was passing him i surmised that i was right.  he was an older gentleman with a full white beard carrying a sack, and judging from the clothes on his back, the too-thin frame for his height, and the fact that he was scrounging for items off the ground, i guessed that he was homeless, and probably hungry too.

whenever the chill comes back into the air and especially around the holidays, i am reminded of those who are in need.  i don't know if it's from the sight of people sleeping on top of vents to keep warm or simply because we're approaching the season of giving (united way deductions from our paychecks, unicef and trick-or-treaters, salvation army bells ringing at the front of the supermarket, goodwill, food drives and coat drives.. there are so many charities to choose from), but something about nearing the cold winter months brings these issues back into focus for me.

my husband told me something from one of his readings for his global finance class yesterday.  he said that the amount of corn it would take to make enough ethanol to fill an SUV tank could feed a person for a year.  the ethanol is a fuel additive that reduces our dependence on foreign oil, and it's positioned as a green energy source but actually pulls food away from people.  and there are millions of people who are hungry every day.  it just doesn't seem to make sense, does it?

hearing the above information and the sight of that man this morning gnawed at me all day.  i donate every year.  i participate in food drives.  i give what i can, when i can... but something inside was screaming, it's not enough!  DO SOMETHING!

taking my own advice (i'm constantly telling others to stop talking about what they want to do and just to do it), i decided what i really needed to give now, was time.  sure, we're all busy.  but organizations need volunteers to support their missions, so volunteers become invaluable.  by the end of the day, i had compiled a list of homeless shelters and food banks in my area.  it was a start, but it finally felt like something. 

and if you were to ask me what that something is, i guess it's that i'm starting to look at things differently.  i'm beginning to understand that our problems are not confined; they extend beyond certain areas around the country or even our very own neighborhoods.  they could be affecting me or you.  and if the roles were ever reversed, and i was the one in need of help, i would hope that others who are capable and willing would do the same for me.

=

here are some great websites to help you get involved:

http://www.dosomething.org/

http://www.voa.org/
http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/

http://feedingamerica.org/

cart cramp

i have this ridiculous pet peeve (but aren't they all ridiculous?) about people leaving their shopping carts in the parking lot.  what is so hard about wheeling your cart back to the corral before getting into your own car and leaving?  hey, we're all busy.  it only takes maybe 30 seconds to bring it back.  if you're capable of wheeling it out of the store to your car, you're certainly capable to wheel it 20 feet further.  this seriously bugs me to no end.  so much so that there have been a few times when i've wheeled other people's deserted carts back for them.

last week, i was turning into a parking space when i saw a woman ditching her cart in the space i was pulling into.  there was a curb there and it was too difficult to move the cart over the curb onto the sidewalk, so she just let it sit there and then watched me get out of my car to remove the offending cart so that i could pull in.  who does that?  and there was already another cart that had been discarded there, so again, this lady watched me wrestle with 2 carts without offering to help.. you know, even though she'd probably left both of them there in the first place?  seriously, where has common courtesy gone?

okay, i can't say that about everyone... today in the cosmetics aisle of the store, a tube of makeup rolled past me on the floor.  a man was following it saying, "someone's going to trip on that."  he picked it up and put it back on the shelf.  so i can't say that all people are lacking in decency and respect.  but really, put your darn carts back people.

on track

i took a wrong turn today and ended up driving around a local high school where i caught sight of the sports field, and most importantly, the track.  it looked new and untouched, the red lanes glistening under the sun, ready for eager feet.  seeing it reminded me of my own track days, as track was my primary sport from middle school through high school.  i remember buying my first set of "spikes," setting up my blocks at the start of a race, the adrenaline that pulsed through me once the sound of the gun went off, and the cheers from my teammates and coaches at the finish line.  i remember practicing the passing of the baton for our relays, hill days (which were our roughest practices), sitting with friends in the field at the center of the track listening for results between races.  i remember that even when i moved in the middle of high school, track had been there for me, the single thing i was looking forward to being a part of, the one sure thing that had provided me comfort at the time.  i remember how proud i was when i made varsity, but mostly that i was on a team that really felt like a team, a group that had energy and camaraderie and heart.

it's crazy that a brief image of something familiar can evoke such vivid memories.

let's play detective

my first job out of college was as a data analyst.  my main responsibility was to profile plans to update our master database.  "profiling" was just another way of saying researching or investigating.  i'm not sure if i actually knew it then, but i am drawn to figuring things out, considering possibilities, making sense of them.  when i discover something that doesn't quite match up, i'll be glued to my computer until i've made it right.  a day could pass before i've realized that i didn't even stop to take a break, because i've been so engrossed in solving the mystery before me.

my dad, who is a scientist, has a very systematic approach to looking at problems, which people have actually said about me.  so i think this inquisitive side of me is another thing to thank him for.

my favorite things

when i am not feeling quite like myself, i have a number of go-to things.  retail therapy.  a warm drink.  my favorite comfort food.  some chick lit to get lost in awhile.  alone time or company with a sister or friend, depending on my level of glum and willigness to talk.  maybe even a phonecall with my mother.  sometimes one or two of these things do the trick, sometimes all are necessary.

i cling onto each of these until i remember what i like about them, why i go to them, what they mean to me.  and gradually i find me again.

marked

after a day of lounging around with the cats (seriously, our male cat didn't move from the foot of the bed the entire day) to recover from my bout with whatever-the-heck-it-was-i-had, i made it into work, hoping for an unremarkable day.  i guess it would be equivalent to easing back into a workout after a hiatus from an injury (which i would know about, ahem), still alittle wary about a relapse, worrying about pushing too far.

by the end of the day though, i realized something else: i had wished for unremarkable, but i discovered something remarkable instead.. the healing power of the human body.  and its complexity.  its resilience.  its strength. 

its mark.

feverish

i took some nyquil last night, hoping it would knock me out so i could sleep through my discomfort.  only a few short hours later, i woke up groaning, the air around me still frigid, but i felt like i was on fire.  everything on my body was hot to the touch, even to me.  my husband took my temperature and it read 100.8.  suddenly, all the warmth i wanted so badly before was the last thing i wanted.  i wanted to stick my head in the freezer.  i wanted to stop the burning.

but i couldn't get up, let alone move.  when my skin was exposed to the air, i felt cold again, too cold.  what's worse was i knew i was a long way from salvation because not a bead of sweat was on my forehead.

i woke up every couple of hours, the minutes passing way too slowly.  i would shut my eyes, each time wishing for 1 a.m. when i could take my next dose.  my breathing was shallow, my heart beat in my ears.  i threw up, hoping i would be rid of the toxins in my body.  but every inch of me still hurt.  i tried to remain still, but how is that possible when it's agonizing not to move, even though it's all you want to do?  it was like i was injured but couldn't pinpoint exactly where the source of the pain was. 

it wasn't until morning when i opened my eyes, my body drenched in sweat.  my fever had broken.  i had made it through, finally.

chilled to the bone

right before 5 p.m., it hit me out of nowhere.  the chills.  as a person who is usually on the warm side, i instantly knew something was wrong.  i was unable to sit still because a wall of pain was slamming into me.  every muscle was aching.  my limbs felt displaced.  all i wanted at that moment, more than anything, was to get home and crawl into my bed.  what is it about your bed that radiates a measure of comfort and relief?

when i finally made it into bed, there was nothing i could do to stop the cold i felt that was seeping through me.  i put socks on, buried myself under the covers, stuck my feet under the cat that wouldn't leave my side (protesting that i was going to sleep before 7 p.m. on a weekday), and yet my teeth continued to chatter.  i craved warmth and heat, anything to envelop me, wrap me up whole.

verse nurse

this verse has been especially comforting to me lately:

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." --2 Corinthians 4:8-9

fall into love

during our first autumn as a couple, my husband and i decided to take a drive to the delaware water gap for some hiking and relaxation amidst the fall foliage.  we enjoyed it so much that it became a tradition of ours; we return every september or october when the leaves have changed, getting lost in the quiet stillness of nature, breathing in the smell of autumn, forgetting what's going on in our lives for a day and just being present with each other.  what i love about being up there is that we can literally walk a couple feet from the car and find ourselves on a trail of complete serenity.

here are some pictures from our trip today:

goodie basket

my workplace has a book sale and basket raffle that i look forward to every year.  employees bring in used books and media to be sold for next to nothing and each department/team compiles a themed "basket" to be raffled off.  when i first started at my job, i learned that the term "basket" is used loosely -- it's pretty much anything that can hold items, like a bucket or cooler or wagon (some examples of previous "baskets"), and with how creative my coworkers are, you can imagine how amazing these turn out.  each year, i think that the baskets can't possibly top the ones before them, but i'm wrong.  they get bigger and better, and keep getting bigger and better.

a couple of days ago, i told my husband i wanted to pack us a picnic for our annual day trip to the delaware water gap this weekend.  i even ran to walmart over lunch to pick up a variety of snacks.  at the basket raffle, despite all the crazy ones this year (including a flat screen TV, no lie), i was scouting out this giant basket filled with snacks (coincidentally, some of the same ones i had bought, plus much more), gift cards, and car stuff because it would be perfect for our plans.  and then this afternoon, i won it!  when i brought it home, my husband reminded me that 2 years ago when i had won a large picnic basket with plates, cups, utensils, and food, it had been the day before we went to the delaware water gap too.  so now i'm thinking.. we're meant to picnic during our hikes. 

and maybe sometimes all a person wants doesn't have to differ much from all a person needs.

accented

i have a friend from long island, NY that i've known for close to 12 years.  we met in college through a suitemate of mine, and we've managed to keep in touch since then through short messages and a phonecall every once in awhile.  he is probably the exact opposite of me in every way, and if we lived close to each other i doubt we would have ended up in the same circles, but the reason we stay in touch is because i think we really "get" each other.  it is evident in our banter; he is like the brother i never had.  we can go about our lives for months at a time without saying a word, but the minute we check in it's like we haven't missed a beat.  over the years, i've found that relationships like this are rare, so i make it a point to maintain our friendship, as does he.

we have this running joke (and a point of contention) about our manner of speech.  he has a thick long island accent that he argues is not an accent, which i counter that it is, and he'll end the conversation saying i'm the one who has the accent.  and how can i argue with that?  in his world, i do... and in mine, he does.  it's a wonder we can even communicate (which, now that i think of it, was hard for me at first.  i used to make him repeat everything, partly because i needed to register what he was saying and partly because i thought it was both funny and interesting hearing a word i knew being transformed into something else).

so, i guess to each other we'll always be accented... but at least i don't need to hear him to understand what he's getting at. 

take a picture

i'm currently reading fly away home by jennifer weiner.  one of the main characters, lizzie, keeps a camera strapped to her neck and is consistently tempted to snap a photo of her sister diana, but reminds herself that diana doesn't like to be photographed.  the feeling of disappointment i sense from lizzie dropping her hands from her camera each time resonates with me.  how many times have i thought during my day, "i wish i had my camera with me"?  sometimes i instinctively reach for it in my purse, where i try to keep it at all times, but come up with nothing.  and by then, the moment has passed anyway.

during my morning commute, i was held up by a line of cars in front of me when i first merged onto the highway.  looking ahead, i noticed a construction vehicle hauling a sign flashing WET PAINT, KEEP LEFT.  so naturally, i looked left, wondering why all the cars ahead of me were moving right, when i realized the 2 left lanes were blocked off by cones.  my guess was that the lines had just been painted on that side and needed drying.  but this kind of put everyone in a pickle, trying to stay left when there was no lane, slowly scooting down the middle of the road.  oh, if only i had my camera then!

and then, as if my own musings could be heard aloud, this afternoon we received a follow-up story to the squirrel infestation that had my coworkers and i close to tears from laughing so hard, saying we all wished we could have had a picture of squirrel adventures, part 2.

i have so many moments like these, big and small, throughout my day.  most are probably like the situations above -- trivial, tiny tidbits -- but aren't most moments just stepping stones leading up to bigger events?  what's the point in sharing only the critical happenings when there are so many other little occurrences that make up every one of our days?  that give our lives substance and understanding?

and how often do i find myself alone, witnessing something that no one else i know is seeing, wishing so much afterwards that i had a snapshot of that specific moment in time, which will never happen again?  a moment that will never be repeated, unique to not only me but to the world?  and as soon as i realize this impossible identity, that moment.. is gone.

override

i am spoiled by technology, and i don't own an ipad or the latest gadget or even have a data plan for my phone.  but i think about 15 years ago when my family shared a single desktop IBM, a clunky, boxy thing that sat in our basement where i would play games like street fighter 2 or lemmings after my cousin taught me the MS-DOS commands.  then there was microsoft paint where i would literally spend hours drawing a ridiculously simple yet detailed picture with a steady hand (and alot of patience).  i remember how floppy disks held everything we needed for school.  next came prodigy, juno e-mail, and AOL, which was always like a field trip logging on, the static and noisy dial-up just a part of going online.

now, i expect my laptop to boost up in a minute and to be on the internet with the click of an icon.  i expect a webpage to pull up the minute i press enter.  i expect a picture to upload as soon as i hit submit.  but when my screens are freezing and hitting a button 10x does nothing, i'm about ready to pull my hair out.  literally.

it seems that expectation can supersede patience.

the best things in life are free

i love freebies.  who doesn't?  last week it was a free smoothie at wawa and a free dozen eggs from giant.  today it was free undies from victoria's secret and then a free iced coffee from dunkin donuts.  the best part about today's free stuff was there were no stipulations or restrictions (i.e. must purchase $10 worth to receive the free item).  they were simply free.

it doesn't matter whether what i'm getting is worth $2 or $8; the fact that i'm grabbing something literally for nothing is the exciting part.  so this means that i would make the trip to the mall over my break that i normally wouldn't make or stop by the drive-through after work when i would much rather go straight home.  it's free!  the few extra minutes in my day are worth the smile it puts on my face.

now i'm starting to understand the term 'free' -- for me, it's the feeling you get after receiving a gratuitous product or service -- liberated.  and just think, every freebie i listed above is something small, something trivial.  but imagine how the organization, or ultimately, the decision-maker on the other side must feel, sending out all that generosity and goodwill into the world.  probably free as a bird.

wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all be as giving?  what could be disregarded as the tiniest thing could actually have a load of impact.

hail to lazy sundays

oh, lazy sunday, how i've missed you.  thank you for a day free of appointments, engagements, and responsbility.  thank you for allowing me a morning to sleep in, an afternoon of bad movies on TV, and an evening of internet surfing.  my only regret is that when my bff called, i couldn't even bring myself out to enjoy the warm weather, not even to go shopping of all things.  ah, but you are forgiving, my lazy sunday.  my reward was a day spent in pajamas, with no judgment from you.

looks like tomorrow will be a manic monday... but i won't forget you, lazy sunday.

shore tour

today nan took us (with our parents) on a tour of the northern NJ shore.  we started out at the mount mitchell scenic overlook, the highest natural elevation on the atlantic seaboard, providing amazing views of sandy hook and NYC.  then we visited the twin lights, learned about the invention of the fresnel lens, and climbed up the south tower for another overhead look.  we rounded up the tour at fort hancock, a peak inside the lighthouse, a walk through the mortar battery, and a drive past the barracks.  we were blessed with great weather, so time passed unnoticed. 

i like seeing the easy relationship and friendly conversations that pass between both sets of parents and nan.  i really have my mom to thank for that.  we're lucky to have such a close-knit extended family, and i say 'lucky' because i know it's not always the same for others.

"the love of a family is life's greatest blessing."  --unknown

view of sandy hook from mount mitchell scenic overlook

nyc skyline

original fresnel lens used in the twin lights lighthouse

view from atop the south tower of the twin lights

fort hancock lighthouse



sixth sense

i keep a dream diary, because i dream nearly every night.  two nights ago, i dreamt that something would happen, and this afternoon, it did, exactly as the dream had depicted.

this used to happen to me throughout high school so i was convinced i was psychic.  now, since i've been documenting my dreams for years, i've seen evidence that my subconscious directly pulls from my life, and my mind creates a possibility... a possibility that could actually be realized after i wake up.

even though my logical mind tells me this, it still feels special whenever my dreams do come true.

chocolate fix

today was one of those days, you know the kind... nothing's going as planned, nothing seems to shake off that "ugh" feeling, nothing could possibly combat the frustration.. except for maybe some chocolate.  the minute the desire popped into my head, i decided that i needed some, badly.  just a small indulgence.. something silky and rich and creamy that could erase all my cares for a moment.  like a dove moment.

and just like that, i was given one.  a coworker came into my office and dropped off a piece, like she had heard my thoughts.  could she actually read my mind?

inside the wrapper it said: "the only certainty in life is smooth chocolate."

amen to that.

face-off

my husband is starting a new position at a new company on monday, so his farewell happy hour from his current employer was tonight.  i finally had the opportunity to meet the people who he's worked with over the years (after i left) and speaks so fondly of.  it's funny how the images i conjure up in my head about people based on the stories he tells me never quite match up to how they are in person.  and then i wonder, what are their notions of me?  probably different, too.  it's interesting how that works -- arriving at the place where perception meets reality.

they all spoke so highly of my husband, and i couldn't be more proud.  that part came as no surprise, at least.

anyway, it's nice to finally be able to put names to faces.  or in my case, imagined faces to their real faces.

domino

i'm beginning to realize that i have a social media presence, however small it is.  the clues come to me in bits and pieces.  most times, like with this blog, the feedback i directly receive is limited to my dedicated readers.  but i know i have other readers out there, somewhere, because my stats are showing that my site is constantly and consistently trafficked, and i seem to have quite a following in germany.  (btw, thank you, germans)!

the other signs come from my fb and linkedin pages.  often, a coworker will run into me and remark about a status update i made or picture i posted.  and this surprises me, because i didn't know this person was reading my updates or looking at my photos.  obviously, whatever i share, i know i'm sharing with the world, so i don't mind of course; i guess that i always assumed that people were paying me no mind.

sometimes the evidence will come in the form of a question from my husband's coworkers (who happen to be people i used to work with too).  since he's not on fb or blogger, they'll ask about something i've shared and he's initially just as surprised as i am when he tells me about it.

and then i'll notice subtler hints... how after i post an article, it's reposted several times a day.  or how i tell my bff i went somewhere and she responds that she knew because her brother told her about it when i was there.  it may take me awhile to figure out the source, but then the connection gradually comes into focus.  aha!  i had posted that on my fb!

so maybe i'm not as invisible as i thought.

just can't get enough

i have an addictive personality.  it doesn't take much for me to be hooked.  a snack (caramel corn quakes) or drink craving (wawa's pumpkin spice cappuccino), books i can't put down (ahem, the hunger games.. and let's not even start on twilight), TV shows i must watch as if my life depended on it (glee!), a favorite song on repeat (currently, it's still the band perry's "if i die young").  i say 'addictive' because it goes beyond that of being a fan.. i literally can not get enough of these things.  it's almost like they have the inability to wear out or get old or become overplayed.  i'm completely and enthusiastically devoted.  or at least, until the next addictive thing comes along.

over the last couple of weeks, my obsession is with a game on my cell called word mole, which came on my "new" phone when i finally traded in my defective one.  the game is basically a board of jumbled letters that the player creates words out of.  (forming words as a game?  what could be more fun than that?)  the longer the word, the more points it is worth, and it's a race against time to gain enough points to finish each stage (and the point total requirement increases as the levels go up).  i had been stuck with a score in like the 1400s when my husband, who also plays, beat me.  now... i'm also a competitive person, so i played and played until i hit the 1700s, then 1800s, which he caught up with, but then i broke away because i hit the 2400s.  you'd think i would settle for that, but the draw here is obtaining that next high score, and it drove me crazy that i couldn't beat my own score no matter how often i came close.  and although my husband was still stuck with his 1800-something-score, i'd be up for an extra hour or so playing each night or during my lunch break or car ride or basically any chance i could get.  and then today, i finally did it: 3536!  am i going to rest now that i've scored higher than i could ever have expected?  probably not for long.

sometimes, i've realized, my fiercest competitor is myself.

fanfare

we went to a football game today for the local team which we are not actually fans of.  my husband said that it would probably be boring because it wasn't our team, but i was excited to go, since hey, it's football (and i never thought i'd say this but once i understood what was going on, i found that i really enjoyed it), and going to a game is like watching a show or a production of sorts, with all its lights and action and cheering and flourish.

it started drizzling right before halftime, and the rain caused a mist that hung around for most of the second half.  we left right before the opposing team had scored the touchdown to basically solidify their win, and escaped from the parking lot before most of the furious fans had swarmed out of the stadium (but not before some of them got in their cars to take their anger out on the road).

he was right, it's really not that fun when it's not your team.  and really even less fun when the team you are supposed to be rooting for manages to lose.  badly.

is this what it's like to be a true fan?  yeesh, i don't know if i want all this responsibility.

a day of do-gooding

i was up at 5 this morning for the heart walk (which went smoothly), so by about 2 p.m. when we made it home, my husband and i were both exhausted.  we decided to nap because we had another benefit to attend at 6.  ("a day of do-gooding," my SIL called it).

the fundraiser was for a wild bird rehabilitation clinic where my bff volunteers.  there were basket/gift raffles and silent auctions for trips, golf, restaurants, jewelry, etc.  out of all the goodies available, my husband was set on winning the 2 bottles of local honey.

when it came time to pull the winners, we stood up front because my husband was anxiously awaiting the result of the honey raffle.  luckily, he won, so i went up to retrieve the bottles.  he clung to them for the rest of the night, ridiculously happy.  it was all that we won, but all that he wanted anyway.

i love that the smallest things make him happy.