running pains

this morning i eased into my first workout after my latest back injury.  (i'd decided to rest from my workouts for a week).  shortly after i started my run, being careful to slow my pace to that weird jog/walk shuffle, my back started aching so i told myself i'd run to the mile marker and walk back.  but before i knew it, i had made it to the bridge without hardly breaking a sweat.  i turned around, deciding when i should stop.  it felt good to run and i had truly missed it... but i knew if i pushed it like i had before, i would regret it for a week later.  so i slowed to a walk, finding that it was harder to make myself stop than to keep going, even with some pain. 

after about a half mile of semi-brisk walking, i found that i was completely bored.  so i went back to a cautious jog, making it another half mile before time was up.  in a way, the whole run wasn't very satisfying.  i wanted to run.  i ached for it.  and i ached more to run than from my pain.

over these past 2 months, somewhere along the line, and without even noticing, i had become a runner.

right of way

our management class today was on clinical ethics.  i had taken a medical ethics course while in college so was generally familiar with the basic ethnical principles and terms, particularly beneficence and nonmaleficence.  what stuck out more to me this time around was that with beneficence, the ethnical principle of doing good, and nonmaleficence, the ethical principle of doing no harm, it may require actions that are "out of the norm," feel uncomfortable, set limits, and include not being able to honor patient and family goals.  with customer service always top of mind, it begs the question, "can doing the right thing be bad customer service?"

this wasn't news to me or anything, especially after working in healthcare for a decade.  we walk this line every day.  we're faced with situations and decisions that not only impact ourselves and our organizations, but ultimately our patients and their families.  we strive for what's good and right, even if it hurts to do so.

 

the interesting part, which i did not realize until i thought about it (ethics classes always make you do that, don't they?) was that while in school, we had all these examples and situations to discuss and debate, sometimes being assigned to support the side we did not agree with.  it used to pain me to do this.  but it taught me a very important lesson that was reiterated today: doing the right thing is not always easy; it doesn't always "feel good"; we don't always have to agree with the facts, but we do have to agree with what we believe to be honorable.

pen to paper

whenever i write, i need time for my thoughts to marinate beforehand so the juices can seep and fester.  then, when i'm ready, i sit myself down and the words just flow, pouring right out of me.

i've done this since i was in junior high when i had substantial homework.  it continued throughout high school whether we had essays or senior projects, which we often had weeks to do.  i'd end up working on them the night before, occasionally pulling all-nighters.  my mom told me i should quit this bad habit -- waiting until the last minute -- but how could i explain to her that no matter how long i'd sit in front of my notebook or computer or how detailed of an outline i created, it would do no good?  my mind was what had to be prepared; my thoughts had to be organized in my head and kept there until they were ready to be sorted out and shared on paper.

in college, this process bothered a classmate and good friend of mine.  we had some healthy competition going on when it came to our essays.  she would spend weeks on her research papers, picking her topic, developing her ideas, formulating an outline, writing and editing several drafts, and finishing up her final draft early.  i would choose my topic and think about what i wanted to write in the back of my mind for weeks, do some research here and there (but mostly during the week it was due), and write it all up a day or 2 before the deadline, editing as i went.  when we received our grades, we would compare our scores, and she'd either beat me by a couple points or i'd beat her by a couple.  but we were always close, and this drove her nuts.  she constantly asked how in the world i pulled it off yet again.

i do the same for creative writing.  as a teenager, it would only take one word or idea to inspire a poem or short story.  i often kept a notebook and pen handy, but even then felt like i couldn't jot down what was swimming in my head fast enough.

since i've been blogging though, i find that my writing process is alittle different.  i do still think about what i want to write in spare minutes during my day or on the car ride home.  but once i'm in front of my laptop, it can go either way.  sometimes i can write my entire post without stopping, a smooth transition from my head to my fingers.  other times, i struggle a bit, the 'backspace' becoming my enemy.  could it be because i know what i post will be shared with the world the instant i click 'publish,' whether i'm ready or not?  perhaps.

still, no matter how it comes out, i'm writing.  (and editing -- that part never stops).  and somehow what i want to say is said.

after the storm

well, we survived hurricane irene with little to no damage, except for some windblown plants in the yard (and me feeling alittle stir-crazy because i've been limited to the couch and bed in a reclining position, since that's all my back can take).  there wasn't a drip of water in the basement, and the power must have gone out sometime after 2 p.m. but come right back on, since my bedside clock was blinking this morning.  (interestingly, the power had gone out pre-hurricane on friday morning and stayed out longer and been more of a hindrance -- i had to manually open and close the garage door to even leave the house -- than apparently the hurricane had been).  so overall, i have no complaints.

several of my friends though, were not as lucky.  i've heard of a number of basements flooding and power outages throughout our area -- my parents' included.  and speaking of my parents, they had a rough night themselves when they were stuck in knee-high deep rain and the car flooded.  luckily, emergency services responded quickly and escorted them home.  the only thing which didn't pull through was the car.

the other thing going on this weekend are my in-laws' birthdays.  today's my MIL's birthday, and since we could not see her, we sang happy birthday to her over the phone.  she and my FIL were over the house yesterday to celebrate, since it was his birthday (yesterday).  it was nice to be able to treat them to lunch since they're usually the ones cooking for us.  i liked that they could sit and relax while my husband and i busied ourselves in the kitchen.  they deserve time for themselves since they're the hardest working people i know, although they're always doing stuff for others.

if there is one thing i could wish for them both -- it would be for a sense of peace, much like the calm after a storm.

whirlwind

there's nothing like an impending hurricane to stir up some excitement, especially in our area where we are not accustomed to storms of this magnitude. 

the last hurricane (that i remember) which touched down around here was hurricane floyd in my freshman year at college.  i don't think we expected it to hit as hard as it did.  classes went on as scheduled so my suitemates and i were still out and about when the rush of rain and subsequent flooding came.  the wind blew our umbrellas inside out, making them useless.  we sloshed through several inches of water crossing the street to the sidewalk.  it didn't help that our dorm was at the top of a long and moderate hill, so by the time we made it up we were completely soaked from head to toe.  that was nearly 12 years ago.

now, you can't turn on the news without hearing updates on irene.  channel 10 was doing live coverage from the shore points when i got up this morning and is still talking about it at this hour.  there have been mandatory evacuations, road closures, shutting down of transit lines, and red cross disaster preparations.  grocery stores have been flooded with people buying the usual: milk (why milk?), eggs, and bread (according to the comic from last night, it seems people want to be ready to make french toast during storms).  and apparently some gas stations have run out of gas.  what i want to know is where anyone would be going in the middle of a storm anyway.

so i've made my few preparations: stayed inside and decided what book i want to read.  my husband made his: brought in the grill and the non-potted plants.  we're ready.

and i'm set on staying dry this time.

quips

we went to a local comedy show tonight that was different from others that i've been to.  for starters, it was held in a bowling alley, or technically a small showroom attached to a bowling alley and pub.  the stage was a little corner of the room and there were groups of tables of varying sizes scattered throughout.  it was an intimate setting and stereotypically what i'd imagine a comedy show to be like, although the closest encounter i've had to this kind of setup was probably the comedian and improv group we had seen on 2 of our cruises in the past.

my first comedy show was to see dane cook at my sister-in-law's university shortly after my husband and i started dating.  it was held at the stadium outdoors and there were people everywhere.  i've only seen a handful (if that) of shows since then, the most recent being daniel tosh at the end of july.  this was at an indoor venue also with hordes of people.

if i had to choose, i think i may prefer the intimate setting, even though it's more interactive and there's a chance the comic will pick on you.  it just seems right when it's done this way, almost like a private conversation between strangers.  the comic will push the envelope, test the limits, feed off the audience's vibe.  and the audience, in turn, will show its approval through laughter.  it's a constant give and take.

from the handful of comedians i've seen, i sense that it's not an easy job -- monotonous, minimal pay, lots of travel, short-lived fulfillment -- and i start to realize how unfunny a comic's life must be.  yet through it all, these people still want to make us laugh, and that is pretty uplifting, if not remarkable.

pulled back

my back is still acting up.  i dragged myself to the store to buy a hot/cold pack so have been applying both heat and ice all day.  but i still feel.. creaky.  like i'm 3x my age.  or trapped in my own body. 

powerless.

the most frustrating part about this is i'm only 3 workouts away from finishing our running program.. yes, i'm in the homestretch!  it's so close i can taste it, and yet, i must wait.

smooch

we were at the ballgame last night when a cameraman came over to ask if we'd like to be on the kiss cam.  knowing my husband's aversion for PDA, i waited for his response.  the couple we came with jumped at the opportunity and took their shot.  then the cameraman asked us again, and my husband said sure.  i was surprised and suddenly became the shy one, especially when we had to wait for the cue for our turn.  but once i saw myself on the big screen, i turned to hubbie and we went for it... just in front of about 45,700-something people. 

i still can't believe we did that.

shake 'n quake

i was at the sink in the single bathroom at work this afternoon when i suddenly heard and felt a rumble.  since the bathroom is next to the facilities closet, i thought someone had gone in there making a ruckus.  but then the vibrating seemed to go up the wall, shaking the paintings, and then reverberate upstairs, like the sound of desks being dragged across the floor.  i felt dizzy and nauseous, swaying with the room, almost losing my balance.  the feeling it reminded me of was being in the cabin of a cruise ship and feeling the roll of a large wave, like i was rocking.  my first thought: what is wrong with me??  i think i even said that outloud.  it wouldn't be that uncommon for me to lose my footing over nothing in a secure room.  i took a breath and resolved to google "vertigo" as a symptom once i returned to my desk to diagnose what i had.

before i had the chance to do that though, my phone rang.  my husband was checking in on me and said we had just survived our first earthquake.  so that's what it was!  i wasn't getting sick, and even better, wasn't losing my mind!  

later when we were exchanging our full "where were you during the earthquake" stories, hubbie laughed and remarked, "you didn't think to check CNN or the news or anything, but you were ready to google 'dizziness'?"  well yeah, i replied.  would he expect anything less from me?

well, at least i can say now that i've experienced a natural disaster.  when i was younger, it used to be something i had always wanted to feel, with the stipulation, obviously, that i'd live through it.  but of course that would be out of my hands.  (and yes, i truly had these strange desires as a kid).  as for now, i think it's safe to say it's off my bucket list and it won't be missed.

slow as molasses

a couple hours before i went to bed last night, my lower back tightened up.  knowing this feeling well, i hoped that a good night's sleep would cure the stiffness and that i'd be able to go for our run (especially after it had been delayed yet another day).

when i awoke, i was well enough to get myself up, dressed, into the car, and onto the trail, until i started running.  every bounce would cause the muscles in my back to ache.  my husband breezed by me to tell me i was doing well, but i told him i was in pain.  he told me to walk if i needed to.  i was hesitant to stop, fearing that i wouldn't be able to start up again, but i heard my bff's voice in my head: "take it easy, you don't want to be out of commission for another week."  so i decided to do this silly half-jog/half-walk (which i'm sure was much slower than a fast walk) to put more weight on my legs and less on my back.  i was slow as molasses (another thing my bff would say) but at least i wasn't quitting.

my husband passed me at the mile marker but i managed to turn around and make it the entire mile back within the allotted time, even going as slow as i was.

i've managed to surprise myself alot lately, and i like it.

rain check

we were supposed to go for a run today but it was pouring by the time we planned to go.  my husband was being his upbeat, get-up-and-go self, so convinced me to get changed although i was reluctant.  he was set on running so asked me if i'd at least go with him and wait in the car if i decided not to join.  i said okay, so we made it to the trail and parked, hoping to wait it out.  unfortunately, it only started raining harder, so my husband gave up and turned us around.

while we were waiting in the car, i seriously considered running.  i had little desire to get wet and even less of a desire to run while i was soaked.  but if he had decided to get out there, i would have followed, thus proving that i would do anything for that man.

blast from the past

today was my childhood friend's wedding, so we left our house in the morning to make the 3+ hour drive to VA.  it wasn't until after we'd arrived at our hotel, checked in, made it to our room and unpacked that i realized i had forgotten to bring my contacts!  leave it to me to pack my case, solution, cleaner, etc. but not the contacts themselves.  how does a planner forget something like this?  well, i use a spare case for travel only so that i will never forget my case (like i had in the past) -- but somehow in the rush of packing and getting out the door, it had slipped my mind that i hadn't popped my lenses in before we'd left.

luckily i had my glasses, but felt like a major dork having to wear them out -- especially when i was all dressed up, especially to a wedding, especially to see a friend i hadn't seen in close to 15 years.  and then it dawned on me: my old friend probably remembered me with glasses, all those years ago.  it was a funny coincidence, but put me at ease and allowed me to resign to the fact that there was nothing i could do about it now but to suck it up and embrace my inner (and outer) dorkiness.

we made it to the ceremony in the nick of time, and i had what felt like a boulder in my stomach.  it felt surreal to be there witnessing such a momentous occasion, seated amongst her closest friends and family when we had been absent from each other's lives for so long.  when she came out and down the aisle, she looked exactly as i'd remembered her, minus the dyed, permed hair and braces, but it was her.  and when she and her husband-to-be exchanged vows, i teared up not only from the words they shared about each other, but from hearing her voice (that was so familiar and instantly recognizable) which brought me back to our easy, junior high-age friendship.

there was no receiving line (i'm not a huge fan of those anyway), so once the reception started, my plan was to go over at some point to give her a hug and thank her personally for the invite.  however, as the hours went by, i slowly become more and more nervous (what do you say to someone after 15 years??), wanting to chicken out, making excuses (she's talking to someone, she's taking pictures, she's just busy...) until my husband told me we weren't leaving until we said our hellos and congratulations (and that he'd go with me to do it).  it didn't take long for him to pep talke me into getting out of my seat and walking over to where she and her groom were.

it was there that i discovered it doesn't matter how much time has elapsed or even what you say to one another.  there's something deeply rooted, comfortable, natural about knowing and being close to someone once before.  she said i looked exactly the same (it was the glasses, i tell you!) and that she couldn't believe i was there but happy that i was.  she mused about how weird it was after all this time -- how i'm married and how she is now, asking me if i had kids yet.  it seemed like only yesterday we were kids ourselves.  we chatted for a few more minutes, filling in the gaps as best we could, introducing each other to our husbands, briefly explaining what we were doing now.

afterwards, my husband asked if i was happy i had finally worked up the nerve, and i thanked him for giving me the the push i needed.  he responded by telling me i'm braver than i give myself credit for.

i generally don't think of myself as brave, but i guess it's not everyday that i'll have the opportunity to revisit my past in my present, and to take it.

congratulations to my old friend -- and i hope it doesn't take 15 more years to bring us together again.

shades of grey

we're still getting up to run at the same time, but i can already see and feel the days changing.  soon, it will be completely dark by the time we make it to the trail, but for now it's dim, the trees casting eerie shadows along the path.  the sky doesn't brighten until i've run the first mile (which curves into the woods and over a bridge), and turned around and made it to the first clearing.  this is when i've crossed the line between what feels like dreaming and wakefulness.

a few workouts ago, on the particular foggy morning, i made it past the first mile marker when i was overcome by a stillness that is almost impossible to describe.  the river was calm and the milky fog hovered over the water, hugging its surface, but not touching.  i thought this exemplified what it's like to see and experience an "in between" state.

i guess this "stuck in the middle" sense can be applied to today as well.  it was my coworker's last day so we threw him an after-work thing.  it reminded me of my farewell party at my previous job and how everyone came out to wish me well.  at the time, i had felt like my foot was out one door and in the other, unable to take a step forward until i was essentially ready to shift the balance. 

i've realized that there are alot of circumstances in life that are not entirely clear or lucid, black or white; there's alot in the middle that's blurred into grey.

little surprises

"People can surprise you. You get used to thinking of them one way; stuck in their roles, they are what they are, and then they do something that shows you that there’s all this depth and dimension that you never knew existed…"  -- Modern Family

whenever someone does something unexpected in a good way, i think the best way to surprise them back is to thank them.

cash in

when it comes to saving money, i have no shame.  even after scoring a good price, if i return to the store and discover an even better one, i won't be satisfied until i've cashed in on that deal also.  making this happen can be time-consuming and alittle tricky, so i've found other methods to stretch my dollar.  the simplest being just asking.  what's the worst that could happen anyway, being told "no"?

i went to the store today armed with a bogo coupon plus an additional 15% off.  it sounded like a steal and i was happy with my purchase.  later though, i noticed a 20% off coupon via the company's facebook page and judging by the comments, i wasn't the only one that was now disappointed with just the 15% off.  but someone stated that they had received a 30% off coupon via e-mail, so that was all i needed to do some searching of my own.

i found the 30% off coupon easily and only hesitated about a minute before dialing the store and brazenly asking if they would honor it.  they said yes, and with a quick trip back to the store with my receipt and coupon in hand, i had doubled my savings.

this was such a mom thing to do and i used to be slightly embarrassed by how brash my mother would be with bargaining.  but once i started on my own salary i realized, what's the harm in it?  seriously, it's not hurting anyone by asking, except for maybe yourself.

ask and you shall receive.

wordy

as an avid reader (i should be since i'm an avid book collector, right?), i frequently come across new and different words.  i'll stop to look them up in the dictionary, even when i'm able to figure out the meaning via the context.  i've done this since i was little, so it must have been a practice that one of my schoolteachers instilled in me early on.  this usually results in some starting and stopping while reading, but i'm glad the habit has stuck.

while most kids my age suffered through spelling and vocabulary, i thrived on it.  language, to me, is fascinating.  it could be because i was exposed to different ones even before i could speak, or it could just be that i find it amazing how we communicate with one another.

one of my first visits to taiwan (that i can remember vividly, anyway) was when i was 12 years old.  i hadn't seen my cousins since we were all babies, so it was one of the first times we'd be able to talk to each other.  my cousins hardly spoke any english, and my sister and i hardly spoke any chinese.  there was alot of pointing and sounding out words, but somehow we got through as if we were speaking our own language.

when my cousins moved to the states, we continued much in the same manner.  throughout the years we all improved, learning from and teaching each other.  and since our house kind of served as the gateway to the u.s. (we had a number of family members stay with us when they first emigrated from overseas), my vocabulary continued to expand, not only in mandarin, but english as well.  (one of my cousins came over at age 16 speaking very limited english. i would sit with him every day to go over words, reading them aloud and teaching him what they meant). 

so anyway, today's word is: portmanteau, which basically is a blend of 2 or more words and meanings to create a new one (i.e. brunch, from breakfast and lunch).  i thought this word was particularly interesting, because i knew and understood the definition of the word before i had ever heard the word itself.

it probably sounds dorky, but i especially love learning words like this.

bookworm

the demise of borders has saddened me, and moreso lately with the official news of its immediate liquidation plans.  i have many fond memories at borders, the most recent one a few summers ago after my husband and i first moved into our house.  we were exploring the area and discovered the store, deciding to spend the rest of our evening leisurely walking up and down the aisles.  aftewards, as the sky darkened into night, the sound of fireworks caught us by surprise, but we realized they were coming from the baseball game nearby and we had the best seats in town: in our car in that borders parking lot.

i can spend hours in a bookstore.  i'm not sure what it is: getting lost amidst the shelves, perusing covers until one catches my eye; touching the pages which hold that "new smell"; people watching; finding that quiet, private corner to skim the summary or read the first few opening lines of a book, deciding whether it will be coming home with me tonight.  although i'm usually with someone upon entering the store, we're always parting ways at the door, looking to tap into our interests separately.  i've found that browsing is almost a very intimate process.

discount bookstores are an even bigger draw for me.  think about it.. books, and at a great price?  what could be better?  i could get 4 for the price of 1!  so i'm literally able to spend twice as long in these warehouse outlets, piling up my basket until it's almost too heavy to carry.  often, i am surprised by how many hours have elapsed by the time i make it home.

hubbie and i share a joint love for books, so much so that we want our own library room one day, floor-to-ceiling bookshelves along each wall, filled to capacity with books.  although i have a kindle, i enjoy owning books of all kinds.  i hope this desire doesn't fade as technology advances in the future.

in any event, i think this fondness (or craving, really) for books is more for what i find inside of them:  knowledge.  experience.  openness.  insight.  all of this from what we call life and what others are pulling and sharing from their lives.  like a quote i saw on a school today: learn to live.  live to learn.  sounds like a good slogan live by.

camp in

i got it in my head to have a "camp in" tonight with my sister in my living room -- complete with s'mores and all.  whenever i get an idea like that, i can't let it go.  and since it was a gloomy, rainy day, it seemed like a good remedy.

and so far it is!  it's nice to know that the child within me is still there.

weekend adventure

my youngest sister is staying with me this weekend, so i came up with a bunch of activities we could do.  first, i planned for us to go blueberry picking at the local orchard.  it poured on the way back to my house so didn't seem like it would happen.  luckily, by the time we made it to the orchard, the rain stopped so we were able to enjoy ourselves and pick some white peaches too.  not long after we were done and safely in the car, the clouds rolled in again with more rain.  talk about perfect timing!

by the way, who knew that blueberries come in pinks, purples, and magentas before blossoming into blue?  oh so pretty.  we had sushi which we gulped down in ten minutes upon its arrival.  then we saw crazy stupid love which, like the title suggests, is filled with a sort of mix of emotions: both funny and serious parts, split about 50/50.  now we are chilling at home in front of that zac efron movie seventeen again which coincidentally was on in d.c. last weekend, too.  and bianca is being her cute fluffbally self, per usual. --s

sister time is the best time.

date night

my husband called me before i left work, so i immediately asked if he was playing golf, which he was.  the nice thing about that was he asked me to meet him for dinner at the country club where he was, which is one of my favorite places to eat.

(this is not at all relevant to the story, but at least sets the scene).

so i got there as he was finishing up, and while i was waiting in the parking lot i had a chance to people watch.  a couple (probably in their 40s) walked in front of my car to their own, and i noticed the man following the woman to the passenger side.  he opened her door to let her in before climbing in himself.  a few minutes after they had driven away, another couple (in their 60s? 70s? i'm terrible at telling age) came out to their car and again, the husband opened his wife's car door for her.  this made me smile, because i could see my own husband and me being that couple in 30 or 40 years.

chivalry isn't dead. 

(and not like i ever thought it was, because my own husband still opens car doors for me.  oh yes, he does.  i know i'm a lucky girl).

step up

today was our health fair at work where a coworker and i set up a food demonstration.  we decided on making fresh garden spring rolls, since it was a healthy option that provided alot of variety, and although the rice paper could make some a bit wary about trying them, we had little to worry about.  it was an instant hit.  although we spent a couple hours after work yesterday prepping all the food and figuring out logistics, we basically winged it when it came to the demos/education/interaction (which is hard for me, being a planner and all).  but it was a success and we received alot of positive feedback.

although i HATE being the center of attention, i constantly find myself in these volunteer-type situations that require me to step out of my comfort zone.  i guess my affinity to serve (or is it just my inclination for anything involving food?) outweighs my loathing for the spotlight.  and i never come out on the other side regretting my decision to help.

that's probably why i'll continue giving for as long as i can.

bubble

something which can only be described as "odd" happened to me this morning when i was checking my messages after a few days away.  i won't go into details, but it left me feeling a bit unsettled, not to mention creeped out.

i couldn't shake that disturbing feeling for much of the day, so it got me thinking about how i've lived in this protective bubble most of my life, shielded from all the "bad things."  my parents worked hard to provide me with shelter and comfort, to grow up in a nice house and good neighborhood, to attend award-winning schools and participate in activities that allowed me to develop my interests.  i was guided to college and supported through it (even when my parents disagreed with my decisions), given the confidence to obtain my first job and the next and so on, granted opportunities that not everyone has.  and yet, whenever something that feels unsafe happens, the air inside my bubble grows larger, so the lining of the bubble itself becomes thinner and thinner until it's essentially ready to pop. 

maybe this is what it's like to be an adult.  or maybe this balance, of wanting to feel protected but realizing that the world is, in fact, a scary place, is what holds the bubble together; keeps it afloat, keeps it from bursting.

shine

our long weekend in d.c. put a damper on our running plans for the start of week 7.  we talked about running on vacation and even brought our workout gear, but when it came time to getting up early on monday, we slept in.  so we decided to run the day we returned, which was today. 

this morning started at 5:30 so we could get back to my parents' house and then back to ours at a decent time.  by the time we made it through our door, unpacked the car, unpacked our bags, etc. we were wiped out (and it was too warm to run then anyway).  so the plan was for us to go in the evening, as long as the weather held up. 

then of course it rained.  poured.  it stopped for awhile and the sun even came out, but wasn't long before another storm rolled through.

it finally stopped though, so we got in the car.  except it wouldn't start.  seriously?  we switched cars and managed to make it to the trail.  the run was tough after a nearly 4-day hiatus, but i pushed through and told myself to keep going even when i felt like my legs would give out or simply stop moving.

something inside me was saying, you can do it, you're doing it, you've done it!

a few minutes after our run, the sun came out (literally).  it was the perfect moment after feeling like nothing had been working in our favor.  but the sun was there and glorious, like a light at the end of the tunnel.

and it shone bright and free.

artsy fartsy

old town alexandria reminds me of the shopping boulevard in red bank, nj or maybe even the palmer square area of princeton.  what i liked about alexandria was the character of the old buildings mixed with the modern shops.  it made for a great day of shopping and eating.

one of the stores we went into was a paper/stationary store.  my sister and i could spend hours in there just browsing.  i don't know what's so interesting about paper and cardstock and fabric, but i'm just drawn to it.  i have boxes full of untouched scrapbooking material with the intent to use it someday (when? who knows).

we had to leave the store, though, because my parents were set on taking us to the torpedo factory art center, a gallery where you could meet the artists and watch them in action.  i followed my mom into weaving stores, as she seems to admire textiles.  my dad took me to the second floor to view these amazing watercooler paintings from one of the local artists.  he was so excited to share these works with my husband and me, and seeing him this way finally made it click in my mind: my parents' appreciation of art played a vital role in shaping me.

my sisters and i have always been inclined to art, whether it's creating or appreciating it.  my parents both have an apt for drawing, and my love for museums probably comes from all the times we visited them as kids.  i didn't know it then, but my parents were instilling art expression as an important aspect in our lives by showing us how to enjoy it.

we lost track of my sister in the gallery today for a bit.  she was probably overwhelmed by all the beauty.

two of a kind

today is my youngest sister's birthday, and we're celebrating on a family trip in d.c.  we took the metro into the city and spent our afternoon at the smithsonian, the natural history museum and national gallery in particular.  we finished it up with dinner (with a candle in a slice of cheesecake) and a walk to the harbor right before sunset.  not a bad way to spend the day!

i can't believe my sister is 22.  it felt like only yesterday she was 4 years old and i was on summer break, waking her up every morning to pick out a dress for her to wear.  after that i'd curl her hair in my mother's bathroom, while she sat quietly and patiently for something that took me about a half hour to do.  then i'd take her to the park for a walk.  this is how we spent our mornings every morning.  she was like my doll, and i loved to take care of her.

i was young then, but i always felt an inherent need to watch after her.  in middle school, i threw her a carnival birthday party for her and her friends; in high school, i jumped in to stick up for her when she was teased; in college, i brought her everywhere with me on weekends; when i started working, i drove home every tuesday night to take her out to dinner.  since i've moved into my house, i invite her over to stay for a few days every year.  as she's grown older i see so much of myself in her, but have realized that she has been the one to mold me as well.  though i'm 8 years her senior, she has been my listening ear, my sounding board; it is no wonder that she will be a teacher one day, because she has taught me so much.

happy birthday to my sister, who has always understood my heart.

horrified

last night i stayed up watching 'house of wax,' a typical movie to come on at 1:30 on a friday night.  i was in the mood to watch a meaningless, bad, slasher flick, and although the movie was as crappy as horror films go, it had all the classic elements i was craving:  the good vs. evil theme; a crazy, small town back story; elaborate, gory scenes; suspense and the surprise at the end -- that it wasn't completey 'the end.'  there's just something about those movies that bend the rules just a bit; you don't want to watch, but you can't stop watching.

afterwards, i went upstairs to brush my teeth when i heard something.  i peeked out of the bathroom and saw my husband wasn't in the bed.  i heard movement in the kitchen and then footsteps on the stairs, so poked my heat out slowly... to be met by a ghostly shadow in the dark (who turned out to be my husband).  i jumped and then laughed, because i knew the look on my face was priceless.

note to self:  don't watch scary movies alone after dark.

in other news, tonight i'm in national harbor with the family.  it's non-horror tonight.

in stride

this morning was considerably foggy, so running in the woods felt a tad... eerie.  in fact, not long after we started off, a man (not honda guy) in a white shirt appeared right out of the mist, which really was kind of creepy.

(but speaking of honda guy, he showed up today and was nearly done stretching when we passed him at the start of the trail.  after a few minutes into my run, i could hear and feel him on my tail, wishing he would pass.  he followed me for the entire first mile, but i didn't want to slow down so he could get around me.  so let's just say that i'm second guessing his 'piece of the puzzle').

there was a nice part of the workout though.  because i couldn't see much beyond the next curve or bend in the road,  it was as if i was alone on the path, just me and the rhythm of my feet hitting the gravel (at least once honda guy was gone).  slow and steady.

match up

i am highly competitive.  i don't think you'd see evidence of this until you choose to play a game with me.  and the intensity increases when you pair me up with someone who is just as competitive (ahem, insert 'husband' here).

several years ago, hubbie taught me the card game, 500 rummy.  i got the hang of it fairly quickly and realized that i had a knack for playing.  soon, we were battling it out nearly every night, sometimes on weekends staying up late to crown a winner.

then one day, i lost my winning streak.  sure, i had lost some here and there, but i'm talking about not being able to recover after a dozen, maybe 2-dozen losses.  it was bad.  and to make matters worse, i'm a sore loser.  as a result of this, i imposed a ban on the game for over a year.  i defiantly refused to play, at risk of losing yet another game.

we've only recently picked it up again, but i don't play with the same passion i did before the 500 rummy curse.

here's another example: the nose game.  my husband invented a game when he was little that he would play with his sister.  the rules are simple: the game starts when either party touches the other person's nose with his/her finger.  then the players go back and forth, trying to be the "last" person to touch the other's nose.  there is no time limit, so the game never ends.  the only way to pause the game is to not retaliate for 7 years.  yes, 7 years!  so you can see why the game is instantly addictive and ultimately annoying.

over the years, i saw my husband and sis-in-law playing the game, but felt relieved that i was never pulled into it.  but then a couple days ago, i made a grand mistake: i tapped my husband's nose.  i did it as a playful gesture and for no reason at all, but according to him, this started the dreaded game.

so over the past 2 days, i've been struggling with trying to stop playing, but the thought of 7 years of not tapping his nose is hard to bear.  i've already resigned to covering my nose with my hands or shirt, shielding my face with a pillow before bed, and being ready to escape whenever he's in close proximity to me.  it's alittle (or alot) insane, i know.  but i just can't help it!

and it's so not fun.  really.  wanna bet?

creatures of habit

there's this guy that is on the same running schedule as us.  the first monday when we switched to mornings, we were still in the car when we saw him pull in.  he bypassed the parking area and drove right up to the start of the trail to deposit his car there.  a bit odd, but it wasn't hurting anyone.

as we started our 5-minute warmup walk, we noticed him stretching at the first marker.  we completed our workout and passed him on the way back.

besides the one lady we usually see walking in as we're making it back to the car, and a few other couples or groups that vary by day, my husband and i only share the trail with this guy 3 times a week.

it's been a few weeks now and we've settled into a routine.  we typically make it to the trail probably no less than 5 minutes after he's arrived, car parked in the same spot, finishing up his stretches.  generally, we don't speak to him except to exchange hellos or a nod as we're passing him either before his run or before ours is done.  based on where we cross paths, we estimate that he's running a couple miles a day, at least on mondays, wednesdays, and fridays.

last week, another car was parked in his space, not red like the one we'd been seeing him in, but now a navy or black honda.  when we approached the trail and saw him stretching, we decided that it was the same guy but he must have switched cars, and since this one appeared to be newer, we concluded that he had recently purchased it.

funny how we think we're detectives or something.

this morning, he wasn't at the trail.  hubbie and i both commented about it (we capricorns love our schedules).  this was when i realized that as little as you know someone, you can still be accustomed to their routines, and how theirs coincide with yours.

and when their little piece of the puzzle is missing, it's noticeable, and the picture nearly feels incomplete.

boost

a coworker leaves me random pick-me-up notes in semi-obscure places on my desk.  i found another one yesterday, which appeared to have been sitting there for a couple weeks.  it made me laugh, and was exactly what i needed.

good friends pick you up when you least expect it.

back to the backpack

i am not one to forget things.  because i'm a planner, i'll prepare everything to a tee, up to and including things that a person can't even be ready for.  but that doesn't stop me.  i'll find something, anything to plan.  so i'll write my lists (on sticky notes, of course), check them off, re-list items, e-mail my to-do list to myself... anything, everything, to avoid forgetting the tiniest detail.

so when something slips my mind, i'm blindsided.  how could i have possibly forgotten that?  i'll ask myself.  even those around me, who know my crazy must-remember tendencies, find it a bit out of character when i actually don't remember something.

as i've grown older, this has become a constant internal battle, partly because i have more responsibilities and limited time, and partly because it's impossible for a normal human being in their 30s to remember everything.

and yet, i struggle with the reality of it.  i do everything in my power to make sure i don't slide, even though i can feel it lurking beneath the surface.

if i had to determine why i am like this, i think it may stem from a backpack.

shortly after my family moved to l-ville and i started school, a girl from my bus stop befriended me.  she was a year older but took me under her wing, and naturally, we became best friends.  we lived in the same neighborhood and (i'm not sure i'm remembering this correctly), although there was a bus stop down the street from my house, i would walk through the development in order to meet up at hers.  this often meant that i would have to leave earlier than i needed to in order to catch the bus, which also meant that i'd most likely be rushing.

one day (and again, this is based on what i recall), i walked all the way to the bus stop, and my friend asked me where my backpack was.  i turned around, only realizing then that i had forgotten it!  it took me a beat to acknowledge that it must have been at home, but only a few seconds later to decide that i had to run back for it, with my friend eagerly in tow.

(on a side note: yesterday this same old friend found me on facebook, which reminded me of this story.  so say what you will about facebook, but you can't deny it connects people)!

well, we missed the bus that day and my friend's mother had to drive us both to school.  although i can't remember all the details of the incident exactly, the feeling i had from forgetting something stuck with me.  seriously, how does someone forget their backpack going to school?  i felt silly and sheepish, ultimately caught off guard.  and that, even as a child, felt unnatural and uncomfortable.

so i think the neglected backpack started it all.  i knew i never wanted to feel 'ambushed' again.  this doesn't mean i can stop my forgetfulness from happening, but i'll continue doing whatever i can to ensure a more.. formulated outcome.